*sigh*

That is all I have to say or murmur is a big sigh. Do you ever feel like a fish out of water? Not the old asthma attack commercials but that you just don't know which way is up anymore? I seem to have just been scraping by since October 3rd. Funny how all I hear is how happy I look and how healthy I have been since leaving my old job but at the same time, it is still taking the emotional toll on me. Everyday is a reminder of what I lost....financial security, health insurance, and just the bitterness about the whole situation. Yes, I am living proof that my health concerns may have been directly related to the job I was in. I have had no large flare ups since October. But I am surprised that the stress of everything else isn't causing the same damage. This is a week to give thanks and I AM thankful for all that I have, family, friends, a job, but I can't help but have that thought in the back of my head about what is going to happen next....how I am going to make it through the next week, next month, next year. I am sure the right opportunity will come along, whether it be with fantabulous health insurance or winning the lottery. I know God has this all in his big master plan of his, but sometimes I struggle just to see that. Everyday seems to have some small disappointment that makes me wonder, What is next?