Sigh.................

The conversation went as follows:

Me."I am glad he is leaving because he is slowly dying inside."

My BFF. "So are you."

Huh. There are some things that only best friends can tell you. This is one of them. Granted it wasn't spelled out in frosting on top of a cake or in cheese on top of a pizza but I got the point. Work is killing my spirit. I hate my job. I get that knot in my stomach starting sunday night, dreading going to work for 5 days. I hate the everyday struggle. I hate the fact that everyday I feel like a lowly peon who caters to everyone's wishes. I hate the fact that I am so exhausted by the end of the day that all I can do is curl up in the fetal position on the couch and feel sorry for my dogs because their mom is too tired to do anything with them. Not only physically tired but emotionally tired as well. I try going to bed early thinking that i just need more sleep, tomorrow will be better but then I lay in bed dreading the next horrible day. I can't say that I have ever been a happy, happy, joy, joy, person, but whatever happy and joy that use to be in me is currently gone. Last year I referred to this feeling as my "career mid-life crisis." But what exactly can you do when you are in a career mid-life crisis? What is the career equivalent of a red convertible that I am entirely too old for?? Or the younger man that makes people wonder if I am robbing the cradle?? Do I get fancy Prada scrubs or Gucci crocs? There is nothing but a career change, which is not feasible in this economic climate. I would love to be a radiology technician since I figured that I am already sterile at this point, but that would include going back to school which equals spending more money with no income. Another idea down the crapper. And I only have good things to look forward to: such as my two rocks are leaving for bigger and better things. Though the one rock needs to leave (he is the one who is dying inside.) The other one, isn't going far, but has learned long ago to just check out. I tried that. But I can't. I just wish i could. I miss the job that I loved.