Christmas and the days after....

Well Christmas has come and gone. We have all been on the edge of our seats with excitement because we got my brother the PRS he was wanting for Christmas. If you don't believe how much he wanted one, go to his blog..www.theonenutwonder.blogspot.com. Now it took all any of us had not to spoil the suprise (especially dad). We definitely (at least I think) got him on this one. We waited until all presents at all houses had been opened when I asked him if he got his guitar. He said no and went on to show me what he did get when dad came around the corner with the case. As you can see, it was a suprise.

This Christmas was in a different perspective than the past ones. We were happy to have everyone together, healthy, and just enjoying each others company. Mostly. Phoebe MIGHT have gotten banned from next years christmas, though I don't know why, she is so innocent. Dudley was good as usual, just watching the world go by and enjoying the christmas lights. We have all been through trials this year and to be able to spend the holiday appreciating the true meaning of christmas was all I could ask for. It was wonderful. I also got a smurf hat, true blood blanket, glee karaoke, a claddah necklace and a poop deck sign, so that helped too. Not to mention the previously purchased black friday sewing machine, dyson and shark mop. Yep, I am spoiled but it was no PRS. After approximately 100hours of driving, I made it home. I might exaggerate a little......

Did I get pics of my aunt decorated as a tree? Well she was asleep within 10minutes of arriving and it was just too easy, plus it is a family tradition and Tom and Julie went there yet. After that she was banned to her room because she was "sick." Christmas eve we awoke to snow on the ground and me being the only one with 4 wheel drive was nominated to do the last minute grocery shop. At this point I was a wee bit nervous to leave the dogs with my gma and uncle both of which are not proclaimed animal lovers and also my dogs are BIG momma's dogs. All I could think was "please don't let phoebe have diarrhea (she MIGHT have had a buttsplosion the night before in the basement....shhhh...) " She only peed, hence the banishment, but as I was chauffeuring everyone around we came across a snow plow which excited my aunt to no end. REALLY?? She grew up in the midwest but now resides in Phoenix. But still, REALLY? Anyhoo, everyone made it safe.

I arrive home to find everyone still alive and Tess is good shape considering the trauma of the kennel. Luckily everyone there was patient with her and she was happy to see me again. She probably won't be flying solo at the kennel next year.

Now it has been back at work. Not the best time, yesterday was rough, two euthanasias. I have always proclaimed myself to be an honest person and I am going to continue to try and stand by that. (The PRS was an exception though.) But as I return to my normal (at least for me) lifestyle, I am again plagued by what God has in store for me. I am struggling. To make ends meet, to stay healthy, to be honest, to get insured, to easy my dad's worries, to find something that I love. It eventually circles around to the fact that all of this, this whole years worth of issues, would help if I had someone, a special someone to lean on. I am thankful how my SIL stood by my brother through all the treatment and he for her. My grandparents have been married for 65 years. All of this would be easier with two incomes, joint health insurance, and just support. I fear that many don't understand how hard it is to be single and trying to support yourself. I fear that many just don't understand the stresses of everyday. I have friends, family, dogs, cats, and God of course. I do ask Him everyday to help me through this and I know he will, but sometimes I wish there was a heavenly eight ball to get me through the tough times. So if you are reading this, throw out a little prayer for me to whoever you believe in and if you don't believe in anyone, well then have a drink for me. As I was pondering all day (and crying) about the blog to write tonight, I came home to find a Christmas card to continue to show that there are still people out there rooting for me. Thanks God. You knew I needed it.

Christmas Traditions

Well Christmas is upon us. It is a time to remember all the Christmas traditions that we all take part in for the holiday spirit. There are plenty in every family. For instance, the nativity set (or the three or four I have) is a big part of mine. I remember as a child setting up the set with the three wise men farther away from the scene, then as Three Kings day arrived, the three kings would finally make their way to the manger. That was special to me. Also we would light the advent wreath every sunday, read the Upper Room and attend the Christmas eve service with my grandparents. I refrain from the advent wreath at my house because wreath + candles + cats = the christmas vacation sequel. Or the advent calendar. Do they even make those anymore? That was wonderful as a kid, to open a little window everyday for a cute picture, candy, or bible verse. Sometimes if we get to Missouri early enough we try to make it to the St. Louis zoo on Christmas eve. Not only is it free but it is usually pretty empty.

My grandparents always sit like this during opening presents, I have an exact picture from every year:

There are other Christmas traditions that are not so traditional in my family such as......

Grandad tormenting Dudley.....

The Six foot Bunny.....

Decorating my aunt as a christmas tree everytime she falls asleep in front of us...

Or the Christmas skull. Yep folks that is a human skull.

My brother use to think it was hilarious to somehow make me end up wrapping my own presents by either lying to me, telling me they are someone elses, or bribing me. There is also a house down from my grandparents that has a gazebo decorated with a nativity set in it. We either walk down there or drive by it. It is so simple and beautiful and is yet another tradition that I will always treasure. Christmas music? Well that is a giant variety from Aqua Teen Hunger Force christmas to the Muppets Christmas carol to chickens clucking christmas songs. So as we remember the true meaning of Christmas this season, let us all celebrate safely with our family and friends. What are your Christmas traditions?

Christmas parade # 2!

It snowed for the first time (and accumulated) this weekend. I was more than thrilled to not have to leave the house at all. I even woke up excited to see the fresh snow on the ground and be able to enjoy the peace and quiet of it all. It was amazing to see Tess enjoy the snow. Then on sunday was the Lafayette Christmas parade. Dudley had a friend Lulu join him this year (though Dudley still stole the show).Every year we look forward to it, every year Dudley worms his way into peoples pictures and photo albums, and every year we freeze our butts off. But we had fun and it was definitely a good way to get into the christmas spirit....though I don't think I have felt warm since sunday. It was worth it and by next year, we will all have forgotten how miserable it was and will be excited to do it again. I am proud to say that I am a volunteer for the Red Cross. What a great group of people!!!!

Sleep in heavenly peace....

After a rough couple of days including plenty of food and shopping and not enough sleep, I have finally gotten into the christmas spirit....or at least am well on my way there. I have the tree up....and so far it is still standing. But there did seem to be an extra part in my tree box...

I then decided to try to take pictures for my christmas cards. This one is my favorite but the hair on the carpet wouldn't exactly crop out of the picture the way I liked, so you get to enjoy it. One would think with my new vaccuum (thank you mom and dad! Best vaccuum EVER) that the carpet would be cleaner but I didn't exactly make it all the way through the living room on the test run. I was too tired to get all the rooms (but my hallway looks fantastic)! This is what inspired my blog title as well as the many wonderful naps I have experienced the last three days. The cats didn't make the card this year, but I think they were happy to escape the photo session. They did however enjoy the tree and the new tree skirt from big lots (I am not going to pay a lot of money on something that could very well be eaten).

Mom and dad came up for Thanksgiving and some early (very early and cold...and early) shopping. Dad got to spend some quality time with the cats. And even nap with Lola, his girlfriend. Lola LOVES my dad. Somewhere in her tiny little brain, I think she thinks they live here and just work a lot. They were around a lot when I moved which happened to be near the time I got her. Anyways she is always near when he is around. All in all, it was a good thanksgiving and some holiday shopping is done. The tree is up and some presents are wrapped. Now tomorrow maybe I will try out some of my new toys.

*sigh*

That is all I have to say or murmur is a big sigh. Do you ever feel like a fish out of water? Not the old asthma attack commercials but that you just don't know which way is up anymore? I seem to have just been scraping by since October 3rd. Funny how all I hear is how happy I look and how healthy I have been since leaving my old job but at the same time, it is still taking the emotional toll on me. Everyday is a reminder of what I lost....financial security, health insurance, and just the bitterness about the whole situation. Yes, I am living proof that my health concerns may have been directly related to the job I was in. I have had no large flare ups since October. But I am surprised that the stress of everything else isn't causing the same damage. This is a week to give thanks and I AM thankful for all that I have, family, friends, a job, but I can't help but have that thought in the back of my head about what is going to happen next....how I am going to make it through the next week, next month, next year. I am sure the right opportunity will come along, whether it be with fantabulous health insurance or winning the lottery. I know God has this all in his big master plan of his, but sometimes I struggle just to see that. Everyday seems to have some small disappointment that makes me wonder, What is next?

Christmas Parade #1 of the season

Well we unpacked our antlers and santa hats and hit the streets today for the annual Flora Christmas parade. Dudley did his duty representing the Red Cross mascot, but if you ask me, he steals the show. After this long week that included a swollen finger and craziness by the end of it, I was ready for the much needed fun with my Red Cross family. Of course the parade, or should I say the decorating at the beginning of the parade, always includes our own version of reindeer games. After as many parades as we have been in, we still manage to forget a step ladder for decorating those hard to reach places. This usually ends up in some form of DAT team pyramid, luckily with no fancy dismounts. I hope to acquire some pictures of this soon. I was a supporting member of said pyramid and therefore was unable to document danger time (Dudley helped too by licking the base person's face). I guess it is a good thing we all know first aid. One year when I still had Deli, she rode shotgun in the DOC with Joan. Joan told me today that she wished I had brought Phoebe for her to hold during the Christmas parade. I tried to explain the Deli was 15 and happy to be held whilst Phoebe, on the other hand, is an ongoing game in Bloomfield on who can hold onto her the longest. As you can see by the end, Joan got some much needed puppy loving on the way home from the parade. Anyway, enjoy the pictures! I am now starting to get into that holiday mood!

A lot to give thanks for...

I just returned today from an early Thanksgiving with the fam. We have a lot to give thanks for this year. Tom has successfully completed chemo and is hoping to get a clean bill of health today, grandma is home and driving everyone crazy, I found a new wonderful job, and the fact that we could be together near the holidays. This year has been rough for all of us. In the midst of this years madness, not only did I acquire the new rescue dog Tess but Tom and Julie also acquired a very scared basenji who I did not get to meet due to my banishment from the compound during chemo. Here is the story of her rescue: http://www.ottaray.com/PICDog/wimauma/index.html

I thought I had my hands full with Tess, I can definitely give them credit for their poor dog. She makes Tess look like Dudley. (Okay if you have met my dogs, you would totally understand that comparison.) My favorite thing about Daisy is her wonderful wrinkly forehead and her gorgeous eyes. She is also quite a bit, um, buffer than Benny. Benny is a handsome stream-lined boy and Daisy is like Benny on steroids. Her feet are huge, her booty is huge, her ears are huge. But Daisy has found a wonderful home with people who love her.

Our weekend was full of good times including harassing Phoebe by putting her in her new Halloween costume, which btw, best. halloween costume. EVER. For some reason when we put it on her at bloomfield, she felt the need to do Hippo 500 laps around the house which caused most of the other dogs to chase. I was actually able to get a photo of her in it here at my house, maybe because she was too pooped from the weekend. All in all I chalk it up to a wonderful weekend full of good food and family and LOTS O'Dogs. Tess even managed to stay calm on the car ride sans drugs. Whew, just another thing to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!

It's that time of year again

The time when the days get shorter, we all pray that we might get to see a hint of sunlight, and mint m&ms. No wait. Christmas time. Yes I know it isn't even thanksgiving yet but if you are like me and wondering how you are going to afford christmas presents for everyone you care for, you can understand why it is constantly on my mind. I did hear the excellent news that Mom and Dad found me a pre-lit christmas tree. Now I don't have to worry about this:

Yes that was the christmas tree skirt that she rolled up in....

I can't guarantee that there won't be any incidents regarding the tree, but hopefull not as drastic. I have noticed as my animals change from two fourteen year old dogs who didn't care, to a puppy, rescue dog, and the cat who is obsessed with tape and ribbon passing along his annoying traits to the kitten, that my present wrapping isn't as extravagent as it use to be. I use to take pride in my gorgeous present wrapping skills (perfected the year I had chicken pox over christmas) but now I am lucky to get them out of the house in one piece without any re-wrapping. Nope, now I just have to worry about buying presents, traveling, weather, and where the heck my porch cat went. I am concerned that the new neighborhood owl carried him off. I heard the owl the other night when I had the dogs out, which made me immediately call Phoebe in. Which Phoebe took as a great time to start bunny hopping all around the backyard. Fingers crossed that Mario (aka Porch cat) comes home soon, the owl moves on, and all will be happy this holiday season.

Some people call it chaos, I call it home.

That seems to be the theme of my life lately. I wake up this morning to the wonderful sound of a dog getting ready to vomit. Turns out to be Tess and she vomited up pieces of hard plastic. What she ate? I have no clue. I swear she has a stomach of steel. It must be the fact that she probably ate garbage the first year or so of her life. Then I check my cell phone, one to see what time it was (which it hadn't changed yet) and two to see if I had any messages from work. Huh I do have a message and why does every clock in my room say a different time.....I try to get to said messages........................................................crickets................................................nothing.......... What happened next can only be said in a Peter Griffin voice of "aww crap." See I might have dropped my phone yesterday....multiple times. It wouldn't be the first time I dropped it and I usually put the battery back in and everyone is happy. Apparently not this time. So I turn the phone off and turn it back on....okay now we have the correct time. How about those messages??..............................nothing....................................well poop. I suppose if it was work they will call my house, which I find out later, it was them plus a hang up and I had really just put my cell phone on the treatment sheet. Stupid me. Sorry Dr. B. So my arm is still aching from the flu shot yesterday but I decide anyways to attack the leaves that have taken over my backyard. Seriously, the pile of leaves on the curb, you could totally bury a small car in there. Not kidding. And these are the leaves from my back yard....where I have no trees. Nope it seems that every tree within a twenty mile radius sheds its leaves in my backyard. So after many hours of listening to the corgis next door bark (seriously neighbors, doesn't it annoy you that your dogs bark 24-7?? because it annoys the shit out of me), many trips to the curb (escorted by Phoebe of course) many times of me yelling "Phoebe NO!" as she attacks the leaf blower/rake/tarp/Tess/Corgis/Bob/Mario..., I finally realize that the amount in the front is less than the amount in the back. Eh, works for me. No, I am not as good as Bob next door, curses to you retired person, as he individually picks up each leaf and says a wonderful goodbye (not really) but I feel I made a significant dent and that my yard isn't going to smell like rotten ass. I drag my beaten body inside for a hot shower and benadryl. Later my friend brings her Westie over who might be joining us for thanksgiving. My dogs get along with other dogs fine, but she was concerned about the cats. I think she forgot that my cats....are well....dogs in feline bodies. Because after wearing the dogs outside in the backyard (while there is still barking....seriously people?!?!?) we let them in where Rinker runs into Craplin. We watch with baited breath as Craplin sniffs him, gets a drink of water, stretches, and sits down. Yeah see most cats would run but Craplin only runs when he tries to get other dogs in trouble. That is when he pull his "I am going to meander into the "insert room here" make sure everyone is watching me, and then take off like a bat out of hell." For which no dog can resist. And usually after the 3rd or 4th time of this stunt, some dog or dogs gets into trouble and thus Craplin goes to have a meal while snickering the whole way. Rinker is interested but not in an obsessed-you are going to find a mutilated cat body way. And that was that. I make dinner and proceed to watch the halloween simpsons where I immediately fall asleep (oh yeah, I took benadryl). Wake up to Dexter and will start everything over again tomorrow. Yes my life is chaos, but it isn't too bad. Lately though it has been intermitten with good days and bad days. Like last week, mostly good days, one horrible day and today (is today included in last week or a new week?) not so good day. I am gunning for all good days next week because I know it will end on a good note of seeing the fam. Here's hoping.

And the culprit is.....

TESS! I do believe Tess is the one who was the source of the wound on Phoebe's neck. My evidence is as follows:
1.) This was the first extended period of time the two were together unattended. Since Tess is a female Houdini, she is crate bound during the day while Dudley and Phoebe chill in the kitchen together.
2.) There has been some tension between the two, especially when Tess gets near Phoebe's neck.
3.) Girls are bitches (even if they are spayed). They will go for the jugular every chance they get. OKay, so that final reason may stem from other experiences this last year....which leads me to my next topic of blogic....
I HATE drama, I am not talking about the reality show, can't get enough, drama, or the drama club drama of Glee that we all love and miss, I am talking about real-life, man made drama. I have been through the worst of the worst, in fact the drama I was the target of eventually aided in me getting fired. I know the feeling of dread of going to work, I know the pit in your stomach when you pull into the parking lot, I know the counting the hours of the work day left, in fact, I am 99% sure it had a lot to do with my vast amounts of IBS blow-outs. And when it is never addressed, like mine was, then you end up feeling bullied and losing your job. I kicked ass at my job. AT MY JOB! I was good at what I did, and I will say it. But the drama part got the best of my health, and my skills meant nothing. So now I try to avoid drama. If you ask me, I will tell you. If I am uncomfortable about something, I will tell you. If I feel like shit, I will tell you. Plain and simple. If there are issues, address it in person. Don't let things fester and eventually burst like a really cool abscess. We all love abscesses but not the kind with maggots. Don't let it get to the maggot stage people, just don't.

Happy Halloween!!!!

So everyone knows that Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday! It was the one holiday that we could go overboard with decorating, and our house would still be the cool house. It also had a lot to do with the fact that mom worked evenings and would leave me and dad home alone to create all kinds of cool decorations. Some of these decorations still live on and the neighborhood looks forward to them every year, like the giant eyes in the garage windows. Anyhoo, this halloween hasn't quite been as extravagent as my last ones. I tell myself and others that part of the reason is that the new crazy dog just isn't ready for all kinds of lights, moving decorations, and trick or treaters, but I also know deep down that it has a lot to do with everything that has gone on in the past two months. But I found a way to celebrate my favorite holiday anyways, and still had a blast doing it. I went to Indy this weekend to visit my old roommate who had come across the brilliant idea of eating at The Williard and then seeing the Nightmare before Christmas on the big screen. Of course, since I am OBSESSED with Nightmare, I was happy to find something different to do plus I had heard that the Williard is supposedly haunted. I didn't want kids ringing my doorbell, scaring the beejeezuz out of Tess and I wasn't quite in the Halloweeny mood. So I boarded the dogs, trial run for upcoming holidays, and off to Indy I went. Another point of excitement was that Mandy had recently moved into a new house and wanted to show it off. Her selling point to me was that she had a Bidet in her guest bathroom. Now everyone knows that with my digestive issues, a Bidet would sometimes seem...um....refreshing. Though I still wonder how exactly you are supposed to dry your bottom, is there a dry cycle, or is there a designated towel for said behind....I still don't know because after witnessing her "Bidet" I did not try it out....here are some pics....

If I knew it was only a kitchen sprayer, I might not have gotten my securtiy deposits back on some of the places I rented.....

Her house is adorably cute, even if I slept in a neon melon room that made my eyes bleed in the morning. Plus, did I mention that Mandy loves to cook? Yeah so we had everything from the famous spinach artichoke dip to totinos pizza to a helluva spread for breakfast this morning. Thank you Mandy!!

The movie was awesome, like that is a surprise, but I have never seen it on a big screen. Not to mention the movie was $5 and candy and popcorn with drinks was $5 (with free refills on popcorn). People may wonder how I have never seen the movie that I am obsessed with on the big screen, well it came out in 1993 and I really don't know if it actually showed in the wonderful Linton theater. But my obsession came later when I was a student teacher for the art class and we showed it. That was when my love began. We had good food, great drinks, and great entertainment. All in all I chalk it up to a great get-away. I slightly missed the dogs but it was nice not having them.

I came home today (Halloween) where we had planned for a gathering for Trunk or Treating at the church up the street but when I pick up the pups, Phoebe had injured herself somehow (really have no clue, but she is an idiot so not all that surprised.)

I still managed to see the educated dragon and the sweet snow princess while my dog was in her pathetic painful glory. Here are some more pics of the Halloween haunters and the dogs in their costumes...Where is Tess's costume....well she was hiding in my bedroom so I didn't want to torment her too much..maybe later. Now I plan to veg on the couch, watch the Live Ghost Hunters Marathon and pray no trick or treaters come by. Halloween next year will be fully decorated I hope. Happy Halloween Everyone!!!

Sorry parties!

Well I just finished up my first week. It went good (at least in my mind...). I didn't kill anything, I don't think I ticked anyone off, and I only had a couple of moments of failure. I blame the moments of failure on my complete lack of sleep. This week has taken a toll on me emotionally. And usually when emotions are involved then my brain never shuts off at night. Now granted I had monday off and didn't go in until 2pm on Wednesday, the rest of the days leave little time for me to have down time. By the time I get home after a 8, 10, or 12 hour day the dogs are constantly up my ass until bedtime...which is fine. I miss them too. But when you have little sleep, emotional overload, and the beginnings of some massive buttsplosions, you need a little peace and quiet. Which I finally got. Yesterday. When I was supposed to make an appearance at two different parties. See, I got home from work, changed my clothes, and had some caffeine and lunch. I was then cold, which I always am after I eat. It could be 90degrees out and I will still be freezing after eating. I curl up in my Spongebob blanket and....wake up 2.5 hours later. WHAT?!?!?! The dogs had left me alone?? See I assumed I would be safe curling up in the living room because it usually ends up with Phoebe trying to get under the blanket and out of the blanket, under the blanket, out of the blanket, meanwhile the black dogs are barking at any wheeled vehicles going by (with the exclusion of cars). Dudley has always had a hatred of motorcycles, which I thought would dissipate moving onto a cul-de-sac. Little did I know there was an alcoholic with a rascal who cruises the street, which he HATES. I think he feels in his mind, he could actually take this strange motorcycles, or maybe he is just alerting me to the fact that there is a rascal since I seem to have a strange obsession with them after Key West. Long story. But no blanket hogging Jack/rat, no crazy blackdogs for two hours. I think they might have been a little scared after the friday morning kidnapping of the neighborhood cat to get neutered, or they actually realized that their mom needed some quiet time. Either way, 2.5hours later, I wake up to realize that I missed both parties (cause I was way beyond fashionably late) and there was a stuffed animal massacre in my living room (I didn't say the dogs were good while I was asleep, just quiet!). I also realized that I felt okay. No racing thoughts, no panic, no impending feeling of stress. I watched some more of my catch up dvr-d shows and went to bed AGAIN with only minimal medicinal help which included the darvocet. I needed it since I didn't move for 2.5 hours on the couch after being on my feet in the new New Balance tone shoes all week. I wake up this morning still feeling decent and take the dogs out in the nick of time before the sudden rainfall. I notice Tess being a little more neurotic than her usual rescue dog self when I realize that all the time I have had her, there has not been one thunderstorm. We had some small bits of thunder this morning and she was anxious, good to know. Also sad to note the lack of thunderstorms in so very long.
I apologize to all about missing the parties!!! Hope you had a good time!

Such a funny little dog...

Well I have had Tess for awhile now. She has kinda blended into the background of chaos. But lately I am really starting to witness her personality. So first, ealier this week, I tried in good faith to keep her in the kitchen loose with the other dogs...unfortunately she not only jumped the baby gate but she rescued all the stuffed animals and toys from the kitchen. Either she is part Marine or she was just being bitchy and taking all the toys away from Phoebe and Dudley. I may or may not have wrote about that story, but either way, you got to read it again. Then the other night, Phoebe was playing with this obnoxious witch toy that Mom had given them. It cackles whenever you hit it...well it probably continually went off for close to 30minutes while Phoebe was beating the shit out of it. Mom and Dad are lucky that their phone was busy...otherwise they would have gotten a very obnoxious phone call. Later that night, the witch ended up in the hallway where I accidently kicked it and made it start witching....Phoebe had already settled down for the night but to ensure no more witchiness, Tess very deliberately got up from her bed, grabbed the witch, and put it in the living room before round 2 of witch beating started. Now finally, this morning, I got Tess's kennel ready for the day before I went to take a shower. This involves, putting her bed (bathmat) down, filling up the water bowl, and throwing some toys in there. When I came out of the shower...Tess had cleared out her kennel. It was completely bare. Apparently she thought that if there was nothing in there, I wouldn't put her in there. Unfortunately that is not the case. I feel sorry for the girl, but I just can't let her loose....maybe someday she will have enough sense to stay in the kitchen, or at least not leave any evidence showing otherwise.
Now everyone knows that I am a royal klutz...so waiting this long without health insurance is not ideal for me. Granted I should have frequent flyer miles at the ER but that doesnt make me feel any better. I have been trying to put this whole ordeal behind me. But everyday I anxiously check my mail looking for my COBRA info. Today, after the "two weeks" I was told, I called the Purdue Benefits to find out what is going on. They directed me to the company in charge of COBRA and they have NEVER HEARD OF ME. Now COME ON! Please quit adding insult to injury (no pun intended). Just let me go on my way. Luckily, Debra (nice lady) assured me that within 48hrs I will be able to access my info online. Fingers crossed this all works out. This daily reminder has also put me in a moral dilemma....I have a co-worker who I considered myself to be pretty close to. Close enough that I thought if there were any issues she would talk to me. Well she was out, due to a family emergency, when all this drama went down. I have no idea if she was one that stabbed me in the back or not. I haven't contacted her concerning the family emergency since it happened because I was too dumbfounded by the situation. Also I am not a person who bugs people in big emergencies, I will get the weekly update, but it is time to spend time with the family, I always feel like I am intruding. Now I am trying to figure out if I should reconnect and be the bigger person and ask her about the emergency and how things are going or if it is too late....granted the road runs both ways and I haven't heard a damn thing from her and there has been plenty going on with me and my family before the situation. It sucks to think of writing off a friend like that, but at the same time, maybe she wrote me off a long time ago. It is not fair. C-diff is real people! Talk to me and I would have told you the pain that I went through. But it is too late now...it is all too late. I am stubborn (Peterson side of the family). It is just another thing to keep me up at night.

7 Years = 4 boxes

Funny how it works. I was keeping myself occupied today by grocery shopping with b-day gift cards, laundry, and walking the dogs. Yes, I attempted the first 3 dog walk (not to be confused with a three dog night). Since it looks my thursdays are going to be a bit long, I figured I could try to squeeze in a dog walk on my lunch break. I didn't want my maiden voyage to be on a lunch break so I tried this afternoon. It went well. Tess is still obsessed with the squirrels, Phoebe has ADD and Dudley was just getting down right pissed that everyone else was not taking the walk as seriously as him. But we made it up the hill and back with few knots, and no dog beatings....but I stray. After exhausting the dogs, I realized that I need to see what scrubs I still have around. So I attack the boxes. These boxes were packed up 2 weeks ago today through a haze of tears. I think the first thing that surprised me was that there were only 4 boxes. 4 boxes? My 7 year career not only ended in complete betrayal but can be summed up in 4 boxes. Two offices, three buildings, 3 co-workers, 1 boss, and 4 boxes. Wow. That is kinda brutal. I try to be positive, Lord knows everyone is sick of hearing about this, but I can't shake it out of my head. And when I think it is gone for a little while, I end up coming across something like 4 freakin boxes that bring it all back like a tidal wave. I know I moved on to something better, obviously, since that environment was toxic in more ways than one but it is the betrayal that hurts. I gave a co-workers' kids books every year for christmas, not only because my mom is a children's librarian but also because reading was such an important part of my childhood. I gave them some of my favorites like "A tale of two bad mice" and "Where the sidewalk ends." It is these little memories that I think will continue to pour salt in the wound. I hope they are happy with themselves....and whoever they take to their side, fine by me. (Also, if you haven't noticed Bitterness=paranoia.) Someday, I am sure I will be the bigger person, but I am not sure when. Matchbox20 has been great music to listen to. It has some great lines like "I gotta hole in me now, and I gotta scar I can talk about," but it also is not too bitter like Art from Everclear. Well enough rambling, since is the second blog for today. Some reason it just helps to get this BS off my chest. I just want to know: When does the bitterness end? Unfortunately there isn't a Sex and the City episode that covers this particular incident. I need a beach, a rum spiked beverage and some sun....

My Bucket List

I guess when things take a turn financially, you tend to think of all the things you want to do, often times laying awake at night. So I started a list:
1. Travel...there are many places I want to go, here are a few: The Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Europe, on a cruise, California (Disneyland), and New York...just to name a few.
2. Go skydiving
3. Go Ghosthunting
4. Get another tattoo. I love the one I have but I want one that means a little more to me. I have somethings in mind...I would love to have Cory Miller or anyone at LA INk to do it, but pretty sure that isn't going to happen.
5. Run a marathon. I hate running, I am not one of those people who just can't wait to run, but it would be nice to say I ran one.
6. Own a house with a pool
7. Get married and have kids....there I said it.
8. Learn how to shoot a gun...we are actually working on this one.
9. Meet somebody famous, wait, I have done that one....thanks Tom.
10. Smack or punch someone who really deserves it....I have a few people in mind
11. Pay off a car before I wreck it.
12. Be published
13. Go back to school
14. Be truly happy with myself....

I'm in a glass case of emotions...

Not only a great movie but an excellent description of how I feel. Mostly pretty positive, kinda apprehensive, some concern for the bro, with a dash of bitter still thrown in there. I went out to late lunch/early dinner tonight with some Red Cross friends and enjoyed some adult beverages. I had to fill them in on the past couple of weeks. I know I am still bitter, speaking about it continues to bring up the sense of betrayal, but I had a text message today that made me want to cry. My new boss texted me today to ask me how I was doing. Not once since the whole incident have I heard from anyone in my old "team." It made me realize that I left a job and joined a family. A slightly disfunctional family, but a family nonetheless. It is these people and the tons of other responses that I have gotten that made me realize that I was no longer happy. I cannot pinpoint the time when I stopped being happy there, but apparently I did and everyone saw it. Even my body knew it, but somehow my brain doesn't listen. Nothing new there. I don't know what the future will hold, I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, and the stress is still going to keep coming but hopefully all major illnesses will hold off until I get my health insurance back (damn you COBRA). And why when you are in a money crunch do you suddenly need things?? Not want but need....like contacts, or comfy shoes, or long sleeved scrub tops. I guess that is just Murphy's Law.

On the positive note, Mario has found a new home. And it is not my front porch where he is pictured here:

Homecoming...

Purdue may have hurt me, but I still bleed black and gold! Boiler up! Tonight was the Homecoming parade and it is always a blast, not only for me but Dudley got his much needed one on one time with his momma. Here is a pic of a happy Duddy:

It is really hard to get good pics when the parade starts because it is usually dark and then it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a picture of a black dog at night....plus he is usually obsessed with strutting his stuff and all the flashing lights. We followed one of the coolest floats I have ever seen. It was a pirate ship that rocked back and forth, but the coolest part was the back:

So we had fun, Dudley is fast asleep now. And the girls didn't do too much damage being loose in the kitchen on their own...or at least I haven't found said damage yet. I am pretty sure as I was backing out, Tess had already jumped the baby gate and was barking in the living room, but I am going to believe that is NOT true.

This is Vet Tech week. So this has been going around FB a lot:

Right now a vet tech is helping a animal become a mother, is holding the paw
of a dying dog, is inserting an IV into a kitten, is listening to an owner tell
a story and is missing their pets while caring for yours. Vet techs save lives.
Re-post if you are a vet tech or appreciate one --National Veterinary Technician
Week -- Oct. 10-16, ......

It makes me happy because this week has definitely taken a toll on me. After I posted it, at least two more friends (non tech) reposted it. It is good to feel appreciated and to know that what I do makes a difference. Sometimes that career midlife crisis seems a little foolish. Yeah I don't make the money I need, but I make a difference...at least I hope I do. So with that said, I am going to find some food and watch some TV. Tomorrow is a new day, next week is a new week, and everyday is going to get better than the one before because I LOVE my co-workers. My stomach does hurt when I get home, it could be from 1 on 3 things: all the food, stress, or laughing. Maybe a mix of all three.

Tom came through chemo fine. If you would like to read the journey he has taken please go to his blog. It is amazing. Hang in there bro!

www.theonenutwonder.blogstpot.com

The feeling of defeat...

I knew this day would come. I knew it would hit me finally. Unfortunately it has...today. It might because I am dead-ass tired from work the last two days, it might be because of the crazy dreams I have been having, it might be because I just suck in general. Whatever the problem is, it has hit me full force. It has been one week and two days since I got fired (reason #1 of defeat) and I decided not to file a grievance because I figured it would be easier on me emotionally (reason #2 of defeat). My brother starts chemo on friday and I can't do ANYTHING to support him. I can't visit, hell, I probably shouldn't even send anything since I am a walking petri dish of c-diff (reason #3 of defeat). When someone who you have looked up to for so long is going through something entirely life changing, you want to be there for him. Well they want me as far away as humanly possibly. Which means not only have I not seen him since Feb, but I probably won't again until Christmas. I miss him and my SIL. I haven't met their new dog, they haven't met mine. I miss him being able to make me laugh for no apparent reason except for maybe showing me his ass....which I have seen entirely tooooooo much. I miss my SIL's uncanny knack to find a bargain ANYWHERE. I miss the random tv shows he makes me watch against my will and I end up enjoying it. Yeah, the truth is, I miss them. And finally, I have been working for the past two days. I feel completely useless. I know this stuff, I have done it for 7 years. But everyone has their own way of doing things and my prayers to the blood gods have fallen on deaf ears. (Reason #4 of defeat). I feel completely and totally inadequate. I roll old school and my skills are antiquated compared to the snazzy new things they are doing now. I miss my pigs and sheep and my own turf where I ruled the roost...well at least I thought I did....little did I know. . And to wrap things up, (reason #5 of defeat), my dogs are devastated. Not only do I leave them locked up for hours and hours, I come home smelling like OTHER animals. Dudley has this look in his eyes that I don't love him anymore and I am out playing with his replacements. Maybe it is just my imagination or maybe it is true, he can be pretty pathetic.

10-10-10

As everyone who knows me knows that I HATE birthdays. I am not sure when the birthday curse began but for as long as I can remember my birthdays have always left a lot to be desired. Now I know after the 21st birthday, there isnt really any big milestone to celebrate but yet I guess everyone would still like to have a day that they feel really special. Not so much the case with me. But inevitably my birthday came around, like every year, and I was prepared again for a let down. Little did I know that not even a week prior to my birthday that I would lose my job. My job that I devoted 7 years to. I could continue to rant on here about how angry I still am about the whole situation but now that it has been officially a week, I have decided it is time to move on. I also like to think that the whole department is breathing a sigh of relief to find out that I did not file a grievance. On one hand, I really wanted to fight, just for the principle, on the other hand, even toying with the thought of filing a grievance today made my stomach more than a little ticked at me. I think my body is telling me to chill out, either that or it might be the pleuthra of crap that I ingested this weekend. Either way, the decision is done and I am okay with that. I feel I did the right thing for my physical, emotional, and mental health. It is time to worry about ME and what makes me happy. Now I can't tell you that I won't continue to curse in verbal diarrhea everytime the situation is brought up, right now it is just a knee jerk reaction, but I feel in time I will look back at this as an opportunity....or a big shove....or as my dad put it, a way to re-invent myself.
Back to my birthday. It was fun even though I still had a storm cloud over my head but every once in awhile the sun would shine through. My BFF came up, we met friends at Brunos and ate our weight in Bruno dough, then proceeded to deep fry oreos and snickers at their house. We had a blast, my stomach hurt, not sure if it was the laughing or the mass amount of deep fried goodness but either way, totally worth it. None of us could remember the last time the group of us had hung out, so it had been awhile. Then me and Faughn finally returned home to groan on the couch and give up and collapse into a food coma. Oh and Boiler up! Sunday we enjoyed delicious Applefest cinnamon rolls only to be called less than 30min later and invited to lunch. So we went with Leah and Kevin and the kids to lunch....this is where things started to get creepy. Let's just say that El Meson celebrates birthdays a little stranger than anywhere else IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Exaggeration, maybe. How I felt at the time and still do, definitely. But it was all in good fun and good food. I think at this point Amber and I swear off food for the rest of the day. This was followed by my parents showing up and shopping and O'Charleys. Soup only though, whew. It was a good birthday, a little busy, a lot of food, a messy house, and minimal thought regarding the "situation." And lots of B-day wishes, thanks everyone!

How does he do that?

So I read my devotional last night and I was overcome with the
message of the passage:

"I know the plans I have for you, "declares
the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

Again it seemed to be pertaining exactly to my situation right now. I
have prayed for weeks to not be sick anymore or to find the answer of my illness. I have prayed for a future that makes me happy. And now do I have the answer? It would seem like I do. I have been telling everyone asks me the token "so how are you doing?" the same reply that I feel that it is a blessing in disguise. And 90% of the time I believe it. But it is that 10% that is when everyone leaves, and I am still awake, that the brain starts running overtime. I go through every step, action, reaction, and interactions in my head. I second guess everything that could have been done. I wonder if I should still fight it, because if I do, will the voices in my head go away? It even got so bad last night that I ended up having a nightmare. I rarely have nightmares. I usually have the dreams that you wake up and think "hmmm, that was odd." One time I dreamed numerous times that in the basement of my old place it was overrun with rats. But not regular wood rats but the fancy rats. I even kept trying to catch this certain rat that I wanted to keep as a pet....this certain rat was wearing a NASCAR t-shirt. Now why did I dream of rats? Why was one wearing a NASCAR shirt? I don't even like NASCAR. But those dreamed never disturbed me like the one I had last night. They just confused me. The one I had last night made me wake up SAD. Overwhelmingly sad because of all the so-called friends that stabbed me in the back. I am not sure if the dream could be classified as a nightmare since no one was dying horribly at the hands of an ax murderer, but to me it was just as bad. So I guess the way to get through this is to continue to surround myself with people that support me and love me. I think also part of my melancholy is a result of my birthday on sunday. Who really wants to celebrate their birthday less than a week after being fired? I guess I can always looks at it as the fact that, yet again, my birthdays always suck, so why should this even surprise me? Oh well, my BFF is coming in tomorrow, she always has a way of smacking me into shape...plus we have plans to meet the Byrds for Bruno dough. Yum. Hopefully I can get some restful sleep tonight.

Can you be bitter and happy at the same time?

My answer is yes. At least that is how I am feeling today. I am happy, for once in a long time, I am pretty content, but then every time I think about "The" situation (not to be confused with "the situation") a fire starts burning somewhere deep inside me. Maybe it is because I am hurt. See I talked to the HR lady yesterday and found out some very unfortunate things that I probably shouldn't have known which make me totally NOT want my job back. Some people would fight for closure....and I was tempted. But is it really worth it? Is it really worth the emotional trauma of going in front of a firing squad and still not be able to confront the people that I want to confront? Probably not...I have to monday to decide. I was reading my devotional last night, and this verse was in it:

Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you
have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from the housetops. Luke
12:3

It kind of was a sign for me, maybe that was God's way of providing me closure.

After being thrown out the window, I feel I am like a cat...I landed on my feet. Okay maybe not exactly like a cat, I landed curled up in a ball, stayed there for a day, and then got up on my feet. More like the retarded turtle my roommate's boyfriend found dried upside down in the mud. Everytime we would leave the turtle alone, we would come back and find him stuck somehow upside down in his aquarium, with his legs flailing and we had to right him back up. I am not that helpless, it just took me a minute to shake the fall off and start again. So I have a plan, and to tell you the truth, I am happy. I haven't been able to say that in a long time...plus I have used this week to catch up with some old friends. Next week is a new week, tomorrow is a new day and it seems as each day dawns, some good news arrives. Like today we found out grandma gets to go home in 2 weeks!! Hooray! Thanks to all for the prayers, I appreciate them more than you will ever know.

We are going to terminate you.

Or something along those lines was said to me today. Now if you have been reading my blog, you know that i have had some pretty severe stomach issues. All of which I have doctor documentation for. Anyhoo....this is my day.
Go to work. Do radiographs on pigs. Recover pigs. Go to Potter to do dishes (aka clean cages). Get phone call from boss saying that I have a meeting at 3pm. He says and I quote "I didn't know about it so I am not sure what it is about but they have been trying to contact you via email. I knew you guys had a lot of dishes to do today so I figured you were over here." Go to my car and drive over to the building where said meeting is. Go to meeting. Get fired. Get escorted to my office where it gets cleaned out, hand over my keys and my parking pass.....now to add insult to injury, I have to drive over to the OTHER building that we work out of and clean out there as well. Thankfully I have a wing-woman who cleared the area for me. Thank you Jen! Clean out there. Now from 3pm to this point it is all I blur. Phases of crying and pisstivity. One, I can't believe they did this to me. Seven years. I had one bad year (which could be in part because of what I am exposed to). But otherwise I was their doormat for seven. freakin. years. I stayed late, I worked weekends. I was on call. I rearranged my other job when needed. Yet here I am, aimlessly blogging and trying not to cry. Some people are happy for me, they said the job was killing me, or my spirit. Some people I know I have disappointed (myself included). Some people are probably happy I am gone, though I don't know how they are going to survive. Some people see this as a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Me? Well I see all of the above. Yes, I was miserable, but I loved the animals and I loved the difference I made. I am going to miss some of the people. I am going to miss the security of a job that I knew I had put my time into (7 years!!!!). Sure, there are possibilities out there. But what? I have a ginormous fear of the unknown, which is why I never moved on when I felt myself becoming increasinly unhappy....or decreasingly happy. Yep, this is why I hated shopping for a new car, moving, dating, heck even deciding what I want for my birthday. (Did I mention that my birthday is Sunday? Happy Freakin Birthday, you're unemployed.) But now I have to decide what to do next. At this point I just want to curl into a ball and never get up. Which is strange because today is the first day that I DIDN'T feel too bad health wise, that I got up and wasn't too painful, that I ate lunch and felt OK afterward. Is this a sign? Did my body know that relief is coming? Did my intestines know that divine intervention was going to rear it's head and challenge me? (Yes I know I am rambling.) But if you have been "let go" you know how i feel. And unfortunately I know of two people that have had this unpleasant experience. I do have some security. I have a couple weeks pay. I can work at the clinic (though it terrifies me, I have been out of the loop for soooooooooo long.) Anesthesia in research, (especially using live x-ray) you rely purely on monitoring. Anesthesia in clinic setting, you rely on your senses. My experiences recently in anesthesia have jumped from mice to sheep. No dogs or cats in between. Am I up to the challenge? Maybe. Am I afraid that my inexperience is going to strain some good friendships? Definitely. So my dilemma is this: fight or flight. Tonight it is flight....tomorrow I shall fight.
P.S. Did anyone ever think the saying "when a door is shut, someone opens a window" is that window to jump out of?

Wow. Thanks everyone!

All I can say is thanks to the multitude of people that have emailed me, texted me, and called asking how my procedure was yesterday. It really makes you realize, yet again, who the good people are out there. This is the second time in less than a month that I have had that epiphany. See I have work friends and co-workers. Sadly the co-workers are the people that I actually share a boss with, share a building with, see every day. They have said or done nothing throughout this last month when it came to the many stressors in my life. Then there are my work friends. You guys rocks. These work friends have texted me, emailed me, FB-d me within days, even hours, of my procedure and my brother's procedures. This doesn't even include all of my friend- friends who I know have been sending up prayers for both me and my brother. It makes me thankful and sad. Thankful for all the support, and sad for all of the clear lack of support. On to my results:
Well the prep, I must say, has improved greatly since the 4 years since I have last had one. Now the stuff you drink to induce AP (ass piss, the only true way to describe it) has no taste whatsoever. You just mix it with some gatorade and down it. Now not only do you not have to force yourself to drink anything claimed to have a "new and improved ginger lemon flavor" but you also hydrate yourself at the same time. This procedure was scheduled for the afternoon so I decided to forgo the sleep little and be really tired for the procedure and opted for the sleep as much as possible through the prep. THis may or may not have contributed to the mass amounts of propofol they had to give me to keep me under. Just call me MJ (Too soon?). I do remember asking the nurse how much they gave me and then comparing myself to a sheep (see mom I do remember!). So the prep went with few hitches. Just some extreme nausea in the morning, but who really wants to drink 32oz of gatorade at 5am?? Made it to the Surgery center, got some super cool nurses (compared Jack/Rat pups and their idiosyncracies), and got ready to go back into surgery when the doc came in to talk to me. The doctor ended up being mildly upset that I didn't have another stool sample before the procedure but I distinctly remember asking the girl who called me with my BW results and she said not to worry about it. Anyhoo, they roll me into the sx suite and I can still hear the doctor complaining that this was not his way of doing things. (does he realize that I am not asleep yet?) THe procedure is over in 20 minutes. He sees nothing of concern suchs as Crohns or colitis and he took numerous biopsies. Now, if you have ever had a colonoscopy, you know that they blow air into the colon to get a good look, and that air must leave the colon....... Anyway, I am sorry mom, they positioned you on the wrong end of the recovery room. I even remember referring to the term my SIL and I made up in South Carolina(?) which is a FWB (fart with benefits). Long story about the term to be told at a later date. I didn't see my mom when I mentioned the FWB (she got the other end) but I am hoping I didn't embarass her. So I end up talking to the recovery nurse a lot (meanwhile all I wanted to do was go back to sleep) and then I am on my way home. This is where my temper gets the best of me (if mom actually read this, she would agree and I am sorry). We got home and mom goes to let the dogs out while I rummage for something to eat when she comes in telling me that Tess is loose. Now if you know Tess, she is a notorious jumper and has to be on a runner and since she is a rescue, she is also very scared of change. So she wouldn't come to mom in the closed porch so mom tries to get dudley out so she has a better chance of catching Tess when Tess bolts for the squirrels that have been harassing her and scales the fence (at least I know that a taller fence would be a waste of money). I go outside when mom tells me Tess is loose, then the temper starts. Yep I am pissed. I just got home from being violated, my stomach hurts, I am hungry but don't know what I want, and now i have to chase my dog down. I finally catch her on the front porch where I ring the door bell to have mom open the door. No answer. Therefore i have to carry the 40lb dog to the back door and finally get her in where I proceeded to then go to the bathroom, residual AP, and yell at mom. I figure it is in everyones best interest at this point if I sleep off my anger. Some say never go to bed angry. I go to bed angry when I know that my anger is completely misdirected and just a side effect of my misery for the last 24hours. I woke up happier, not happy, just happier, still in pain and hungry.
Later in the evening I start to notice the that I am experiencing one of the side effects that the nurse told me to call if I have. So I call, my doctor is the one who has to be paged, and never hear from him. I go to bed, since the side effect doesn't get any worse and wake up this morning ready for the many errands my mom and I have planned only to realize that I am in a lot of pain. Still. Stupid Biopsies. I call the doctor again, no reply until 3:30 this afternoon, Mom and I ended up watching Billy the Exterminator marathon, while I lay on the couch fuming. See in my head I think the doctor is still ticked that I didn't turn in the stool sample he wanted and thus is taking it out on me. Also I am paranoid that he thinks I am making this all up, since that seems to be what a lot of other people think (see Co-workers) and of course my paranoia soon turns to frustration then anger. But I get a call back, some medicine to get me through the pain, and an appointment for friday which is also when the biopsy results should be back. Hopefully some answers soon and if my doctor is mad at me, he is over it by then. If not, then I will rat out who told me not to take the sample in, even though it should be documented in the chart. IF this turns out to be a spastic colon then I will have some thinking to do....job wise. So there you have it, my last couple of days in a nutshell, thanks again to EVERYONE, and to be continued.
And a note to poor dying cancer boy. We do need a family vacation, and Julie should always get you a pepsi with ice placed in the cup with love (wasn't that in your vows?).

Matchbox Twenty "How Far We've Come"

My new theme song?? I think so.

I was watching movies tonite and this song was on it. I remember how awesome they are and how wonderful this song is. Now some would say that I am biased because I met them, and Rob Thomas sang to me. Now Tom should back this part up. I can understand him not believing that Prince was singing to me at Deercreek (especially since we were in the lawn) but not only did Rob sit across from me at a picnic table and sing to me but he also recognized us in the crowd and smiled (Tom you swear you saw it too!). I have a picture of me with M20 but it isn't on the computer (yep that was back in the day with real cameras). I did find this copy of it that Tom must have sent me (because he cropped himself out of it.) It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to.

*(Notice I was not dressed to impress since SOMEONE lied to me all day that we weren't going to be able to meet the band.)

I did it!!!!

Mowed the lawn that is....yesterday. It is the little things in life.

Well my refrigerator is stocked for either a helluva frat party or for the prep for my proceduce. Unfortunately it is the latter. It is busting at the seams with jello and gatorade. Plus the jello is on the top shelf so when you open it, the light casts a pretty rainbow color. Did I mention it is the little things?

Not much new on this end. Finally down to the finals days of the countdown to my procedure. I can't believe how excited I am to get this done, get answers, and to move on with my life (while enjoying it!) I am just hoping I get some answers that will give me a clear path as to what to do with my job. I love the job, I really do, but the coworkers are really sucking ass right now (sorry dad).

So when I am stressed, I clean, and when I am going to have company, I clean. (The week of Tom's procedure I hand scrubbed the kitchen floor with a sponge.) Therefore my house is spotless at 8pm on a saturday night. Now it use to be my brother and my theory that getting as little sleep as possible prior to the procedure helps you embrace the drug haze and therefore have a great nap and no awareness as to what is happening to you. Unfortunately, I have nothing else to do, I mean there are plenty of things I could do like clean out some closets and clean my car, but I am lacking the motivation (see title of blog). So I may just watch movies or torture my animals some more.

He's a sheep, actually a big dumb dog dressed as a sheep. He doesn't care one bit which makes it even more hilarious. Well enough rambling on my end. I am sure there will be plenty of more rambling this weekend....ba dum dum.

Yep....I'm petty, but I am okay with that.

I just wrote an email to my BFF and I realize how petty I can be. Hopefully she still loves me. Sometimes being petty is just human nature, or at least that is my story and I am sticking to it.
Mainly just got on here to add to my Christmas/B-day list:
I-pod: Apparently ordering one from Honk Kong may seem like a good idea (and a cheap one) but results in the headphones only working in one ear. Heh.
Another day at the Tech Conference tomorrow. What are the odds that I can get out of the house in the first outfit I try on, sans dog and cat hair, after a day of not taking my stomach meds? I will let you know.

TV...it's whats for dinner

This week is a great week of premieres as was last week (which I was totally unaware of some of the shows.) Let's list them.
Glee
Parenthood
Survivor
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter (wo0hoo!!)
House
ANTM
Community
Office
Hoarders
Along with the oldies but goodies:
Jershey Shore
Some new challenge show on MTV between Real World and Road Rules
Fantasy Factory

I am sure I have missed some, but I am not exactly on the top of my game right now. I am still struggling with whatever funk is in my stomach. I wake up periodically (more often than not) with fevers of 104. I can't believe I am about to say this but I can't wait for my colonoscopy. At least I will have some answers as to what is going on in there. I can't wait until I can get back into a routine of exercising, eating better (right now I eat whatever sounds good, because not much does), household tasks...and right now my greatest nemesis: the lawn. I never really minded mowing the lawn but since I get winded from walking up the stairs from my basement, the thought of pushing a mower around my yard is exhausting. And that is just the thought, not the activity. Not to mention the backyard includes the obstacle course of mole paths, the random missed dookey, and Phoebe constantly attacking the lawn mower. )But I do keep the dogs outside because it is better than them loose inside unattended.) Oh and the backyard is an ankle breaking risk as well, since the moles have taken over, Phoebe has decided to try to catch them by digging, which would be great if she didn't get so excited about digging that she forgets the overall goal and I end up with just a crater. All of these things add up to me not getting anywhere anytime soon with the lawn care. Why oh why do I have the retired guy next door who mows his in pretty patterns and twice a week.....
Prayers for the Bible family continued!!!

Worst friend ever.

Or at least that is what I feel like. Apparently being sick makes me the worst friend ever, along with the worst house-keeper, and the worst dog mom. So I apologize to everyone for my lack of particapation in activities and to my dogs (Dudley is the only one who is old enough to read this) for my lack of enthusiasm. My body hates me and is taking it out on all of you. Answers soon I hope!

Why.am.I.awake.

Reason 924 why I don't like these antibiotics: It is 5am and I am still awake. Yep folks, see there is a small window where the side effects allow me to sleep and where they give me the blinkies. I missed that window of sleep. Today is going to be a long day because sure as shit my pets are all asleep yet I am wide awake. That means zero chance of nap today unless I give them rawhides, and homey ain't playing that game again.

My birthday/christmas list continued....

*A sewing machine and sewing lessons. See I have all these t-shirts from high school that I want to keep but of course my fat ass can't fit into them now therefore I would eventually like to be capable to make a quilt out of these t-shirts.

*These (you can thank my SIL for sending the link of these to me): They are Dexter coasters that look like his blood slides and contained in a blood slide box. Available at www.showtime.seenon.com

Well I am going to attempt to sleep again......

My Birthday

Yep, it is coming up. Less than a month away. What do I want for my birthday?? I have an on-going list in my head. Since I am broke a majority of the time, I always see something I would like to have and think "I should ask for that for my birthday or Christmas." So now I am going to keep track of them. Also if any of you have any comments regarding some of my requests, feel free to let me know!

*A Dyson. My vaccuum is slowly petering out. I will post a pic below of why it doesn't work as well as it should and also why I am hesitant to get a Dyson. I am pretty sure a 5yr warranty doesn't cover dog attacks.


*Anything Nightmare before Christmas. I know. It is a given. But Disneyshopping.com has some really cool new Nightmare accessories that would go great in my Nightmare themed den/guest room at some point. ( I am going to move the futon upstairs when the rat dies. Now I don't mean to be heartless, but this rat needs to be in a nursing home. She walks like an old lady, she has one squinty eye, and she has a head tilt. Why don't I euthanize her?! Because she still takes her treats like a champ and Phoebe LOVES her. See below. )
This greeting between dog and rat happens every morning and evening.

*Money for the florida trip.

*A smartphone. Yes I have jumped on that bandwagon. I want to FB and look up things on my phone.

*Or a laptop to utterly decrease my exercise. If I get a laptop then I will have no need whatsoever to get up and walk into the den. But on the upside, I might blog more. :)

*Coach purse. A given. Always a given. I think I am going to get one every 5 years, so I have until 35 to save up for my next one.

*Beauty and the Beast. Love that movie and super excited it is FINALLY coming out of the vault.


To be continued.....

House cont.

So bloodwork came back with increased eosinophils. No suprise.

Wanna know my theory? Since my c-diff has gone so long untreated it can cause abscesses in the intestines. These abscesses are not being penetrated by the antibiotics, hence me not getting better. Everytime one of said abscesses burst, I get the severe stomach pain, high fever, and poo razor blades. This lasts approximately 2 days. The thought of pus filled pockets in my intestines is rather gross but at this point, anything that includes a diagnosis will make me feel better. Yes, I am one of those people my doctor hates because of my theories.

So if any of you readers out there come up with a better diagnosis or a correct one, you win cleaning my house! It is disgusting. Seriously, I just had the energy to shower for the first time in three days and I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED. The only way I was able to run Phoebe to the vet yesterday was because I was running on pure adrenaline. I seriously thought she was dying. Muscous membranes the color of paper, not a good thing. She is fine, kinda lethargic and has been snuggling with me all day...probably because of the heat I am radiating.

Emily said when I called "why is she bringing her in, she doesn't even like that dog" and yes, that was true at one time. I was looking for a replacement for Sam and Deli, they were the wonderful dogs that made me like small dogs. I am never going to find those dogs again, but I do love Phoebe. She has dug, wiggled, tornadic-ed (new word) her way into my heart. She is not Deli, nor Sammy, not even a mini version of Dudley. She is my comedian and sweetheart and inadvertant trouble maker...and she is mine...for a long time I hope. Now enough sappy rambling.

I am scheduled for a colonscopy in a week, woohoo. I am actually rather excited to get some answers. If you have never had one, this pretty much sums it up: Enjoy!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

Let's play house!

No, not the you be the mommy and I be the daddy and the dogs are the kids house, but the House, MD house. I am going to present the case to you.
33 year old female presents with high fever, inappetance, antibiotic resistant c-diff, lethargy, and constant painful diarrhea. Go.

V_V

(Those were supposed to look like fangs in case you were wondering.)
The True Blood finale was last night...not only was it AWESOME but it also left all of us a little confused.
SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!!SPOILERS!!!
Two fang ups for the following:
Godric (love him!)
Tara's Haircut
Crusty Russel
Bitchy Sookie
Bill admitting the truth

The many, many, many questions that Alan Ball left us with:

Lala's boytoy is a witch?? I can't type boytoys' name because then it would look weird stating he is a witch and I just might go to hell.
Where did Sookie go?
Where did Tara go?
Did Sam really shoot Tommy?
What was with the doll in Hoyt and Jessica's house?
Is Bill going to live?
How did Eric get out of the cement?
WTF is Jason doing?
Is Calvin done?
And probably the most asked two questions:
Are we going to see Eric running naked down the road?
Is Alcide coming back?
Now I know it seems maybe a little petty to talk about a show on my blog. But on sunday nights, TrueBlood is my life. For one hour, I am completely engrossed in something, no work fuss, no family worries, nothing.
Last night I even tried to distract the dogs with rawhides. Epic Fail. The dogs were distracted. Then they distracted me last night by Phoebe vomiting all night and Dudley waking me up to go out. They distracted me when I can home too. It is bad when you can smell the explosion before you even open the door....SO I open the kitchen door to find....nothing. The dogs are fine, the floor is clean. I am confused. I think there is no possible way that dog farts can permeate the house that badly. I have known some human farts to do so but not dog farts. As I go to let Tess out, my heart drops. The baby gate that keeps Phoebs and Dud in the kitchen is down....I continue to follow the stink to find the buttsplosions in the living room. Large. Rank. A good couple of hours old. Ugh. My house still smells like a latrine even with a candle burning that is so strong it make my eyes water.
Just heard from my SIL. Tom's cancer is Seminoma testicular cancer. The lesser of two evils. Radiation is still a possibility, he meets with an oncologist next week. My prayers and thoughts go out to the Bible family.

Still here.

Yep, I am still here. I worked 5 hours this morning after spending all day yesterday vomiting. One would think that someone would offer to work for me this morning instead but no one understands the shit that I deal with at work. Everyone still believes that I am making this up. If I were to make this up, damn I am very committed. I not only, make myself go to various doctors (spend money), put my job in jeopardy, feel like shit 90% of the time, and now I got $700 antibiotics. I am SO good. Who else would put some much work and effort into a fake story?!? I guess I am grumpy, these meds make me very irritable. You can ask the dogs. I find myself leaving the house to do ANYTHING because the dogs and cats are driving me crazy. Hopefully the next two weeks go by quickly because if my mood continues like this, I am pretty sure I am going to bitch slap someone. Not sure who, but someone.
This week, as most of you all know, has been a doozey. Again I thank, thank, thank everyone for the prayers. It is sad that it is situations like this that show who your true friends are. I have people I have known for less than a year asking me how my family is and there are people i have know for years...like 7 to be exact....and have not said a word to me..no email, no text, nothing. That sucks. Put your pettiness aside and look at the bigger picture for once. I could go one about how the holier than thou attitudes only go so far but I am not sure if that is the medicine talking or the truth. Somehow it is hitting pretty below the belt in my mind. Remember folks, people will never cease to amaze you. Not in a good way either.
Family update: Tom was doing well the last time I spoke with him. He seemed in good spirits and was getting a bit of cabin fever. Always a positive. Grandad had little complications with his surgery and is home. Grandma Peterson ( I definitely know where my "mean as a snake" attitude comes from) got a nurse fired from the nursing home. For good reason but still I have to laugh. I bet very few night shift nurses expect someone (who can't walk mind you) to tell them to get out of their room but she did. And she won. Again, I want to be her when I grow up.
I guess the moral of this post is that my feelings are hurt. I shouldn't be suprised but I am. By one person in particular. (chances are if you are reading this, you aren't that person) But I will continue to pray, for my family, for my health, for patience, for the right opportunity to come along, for my friends, and for the strength to forgive (the biggest challenge of all). Everything happens for a reason, I guess I will just wait for this one to play out.
9/11...Never forget.

Updates

Even though I am grumpy, nauseous, and tired I still would like to update everyone and thank everyone for their mutlitude of prayers today.

Tom made it through surgery fine, they believe it was localized, he didn't do too hot with the anesthesia but is now home resting (or unconscious from pain meds and lack of sleep this week) and will get a follow-up in two weeks. Biopsy results from the tumor come back by monday at the latest.

Grandma is pissed that the doctor only let her put 25% of her weight on the leg but is otherwise right on schedule. Next re-check is in two weeks. I think in her head she was going to be up and walking around by the end of the day. Poor dad, pissed grandma is never fun, but I guess he has had plenty of years to deal with it.

Me. Well I got the antibiotics and they make me extremely nauseous. I figured at this price I should be shitting gold or puking diamonds. It doesn't help that this cooler weather has made the natives restless and whenever I fall asleep on the couch I either wake up with a Terror tap dancing on my chest or Tess biting my butt. Poor ole Dudley just snuggles me. He is a great dog. See the picture below of the girls playing and Dudley enjoying the fact that for once he isn't Phoebe's chew toy.