New steps and hard decisions

I have had to make a lot of hard decisons in my life. Some decisions I should have made before they were made for me. Some decisions I will second guess for the rest of my life. And some decisions are simply a "no brainer." Maybe a no brainer but my heart is definitely involved. I am leaving a place that is like home to me. I love my co-workers and my job but cannot financially afford to stay there. Again I am going to play the single card, I like that card, but being independent, I cannot continue to mooch off my dad for the rest of my life. He hates me, I am sure. I want him to retire and be happy....and take Tess, but that is an argument for a different time. I got offered a new opportunity that has forced me to leave all that is familiar behind and embark on a new adventure which I am excited about, but have to leave those that were there for me during a dark time. I will be eternally thankful for all the times they were there helping me out and showing support. It is not something I want to do, but if I play out the entire deck, it is something I need to do, something I have to do. So yes, I am sick with what I have had to decide but at the same time can't help but be a little bit excited for what is yet to come. And also breathe a sigh of relief that I hopefully won't have to ask for money anymore. Plus when my health insurance kicks in I can go sky-diving, tight rope walking, get pierced at unsanitary establishments, train lions, and do any other things that might require a hospital visit shortly thereafter.

Genes

To continue on my post from yesterday and my snobbiness, I can only credit it to one person. My dad and his side of the family. Whenever we travel, all my dad wants to do is get home to his own bed. We are both home-bodies whereas Mom can sleep anywhere. There are many other things I can credit to my dad's side of the family....
My big ears....yep they are huge
My temper....if you haven't seen it yet, consider yourself lucky
My mean streak...see above
My soft heart...how many pets do I have and what is each one's sob story?
The difference between me and dad is that he likes the movie Dumbo and I hate it, but that is because of a horrible experience thanks to dad and tom, and mom abandoning me in their company.
Also I really hope I get the aging gene from my mom, her hair doesn't gray, it gets darker and she does not look her age at all. My dad doesn't look his age either but unfortunately he has the gray gene.
I tend to think my brother has more of my mom's side of the family genes. He can bargain anyone out of anything, he knows a little bit of useful knowledge about anything, he can pick at you until you want to smack him, and he can control his emotions a lot better than I can. Now both Tom and I have what my mom calls the "peterson walk," which dad claims is from having one leg shorter than the other. We all love music and the crude sense of humor, well I don't know where it comes from but we all have it, which is why I will never, EVER, bring anyone home. All in all I think we are both a good mashup of each side of the family, except my temper gets me to in trouble more than I would like to admit....how many roommates have I had? But I keep in touch with most of them and in my defense, my first one was a little crazy.

I am a snob

Yep, I am a computer snob. I love my own computer. It is like my own bed. I can sleep in other beds but don't get a whole lot of it done. Well my computer is like my bed, I know all the right spots, it is comfy, and I can wear my pjs when using it. And if I have to deal with other's for too long I get grumpy. Of course I am talking about my desktop, I love my laptop for surfing purposes but I still haven't gotten the hang of typing on it though. Pretty soon I will love my laptop just as much as soon as I get this thumb pad thingy under control.
Well I was happy to leave work early to come home and type the Hospital Safety Manual on my computer and not the janky one at work...plus I get to wear my jammies pants. I guess I am a snob about a lot of things....I like my own bed, my own shower, my own house, my own tv (because of cable and my dvr), my own car, my favorite hoodie, plus my own dogs and my own cats. Oh and my own phone....yep it is pretty much about me and MY stuff. Add to the need of MY things and not feeling too well because of stress, I had a rough day. But now that I am comfy in my comfy pants, feeling successful having completing the Manual (except for some minor additions and changes) and waiting for the Community to come on, I am feeling a little more at ease...that is until Phoebe peed on me. Then I had to change into different comfy pants and throw the Snuggie down the laundry shoot. All in all, I am a snob, I love my stuff.

When I can't change things happening around me....

I tend to want to change the inanimate objects around me. For instance, I want these curtains (perhaps a different color)for my bedroom so I can move the colorful curtains from my bedroom into my living room.

I would like some more color in my living room. My bedroom curtains would be a great addition and still semi-match the theme. This would then cause a small change in my bedroom....see I need the following: Sheets that don't attract dog hair (I only have two sets that do so or don't so), a comforter that doesn't show dog hair as bad, and a bed skirt to match the above (do we see a theme, such as dog hair?) The theme of my bedroom is beachy, I am still sticking with that theme, just ready for something new and since I don't have the energy to paint anything or remove wallpaper and I still haven't bribed anyone to help me move the futon upstairs, I have decided to day dream because I can't afford any of it. I have found what I want and none of it is too expensive but since I have zero extra money, maybe I should just move on and focus elsewhere..... The point of all this redecorating mumbo jumbo? One, I am sick of looking at the same gloomy stuff, two, Phoebe is going through her peeing on the sheets stage again and I am sick of washing sheets everynight, and three, there is a lot going on in my head and I tend to deal with it by acting out....acting out by redecorating or cleaning obsessively. Usually cleaning helps but now I need something to make me happy, like when I look at it, I smile. There is so much in my head that I need to get out. So much that I don't want to talk about but need to, so much that I know others need to talk about but don't want to, so much I wish I could help with. So for now I will continue to daydream, clean, and pray for those who need comfort.

Two steps forward, three steps back...

And not the Paula Abdul song.
That was my facebook post today. It seems like everytime I get ahead I end up turning right back around again. Mostly it is with Tess. Everytime I think we have made a major breakthrough I find her eating caulk which I can only assume she dug out of the open window this afternoon. Or the fact that she no longer jumps the baby gates, she goes underneath them. See at night I put a gate up in the hall to limit the pups access to two bedrooms, I adjust the gate so that the cats can climb under it (since Chaplin is getting older and arthritic). Well apparently now, no matter how low it is, I always find Tess happily on the other side, then she crawls underneath and comes to poke me to remind me to get up. Lovely.
The story of Tess just re-enforces the fact that I can talk myself into or out of anything. I had fallen in love with Tess (pro for getting her), Phoebe hated her the first night(con for getting her), I couldn't afford another dog hence adoption fee (con). This is where I gave myself the price ultimatum. I told myself if the adoption fee is $20 or less I would get her since Phoebe was now BFF with Tess. What was the adoption fee???? Zero. Crap. Now I have a pretty, sweet dog who is pretty much scared of everything. I guess Karma is just giving my dues since Dudley, Sam and Deli were all the best.dogs.ever. It is a skill really to be able to talk myself into anything or out of anything. See I could justify to myself right now on why I need a kitten: Chaplin is getting older, in fact the age difference between him and Lola is ten years. Lola will be heartbroken when Chaplin dies and do I really want to deal with Kittendom in 10+ years?? I mean we have all these kittens coming into the clinic that REALLY need homes. Now as all of you are cursing at my thought process and saying "she definitely doesn't need another pet right now!" I can tell you that my counter argument is much more persuasive....I don't need another kitten right now and if I think I do I can a.) Go into my Nightmare room and hear the glass breaking and my tears hitting the floor as the imaginary kitten breaks my hard earned collectibles and b.) Phoebe killed like 7 bunnnies last summer....bunnies/kittens...not that different. Blood is a lot harder to get out of the carpet than dog pee.....so I hear. If you have any hard decisions, come find me, I can argue either point.
This totally sucks when it comes to me, myself, making important decisions which is why I usually rely on a great focus group: Faughn, Mandy, Leah, Tom & Julie (though Tom was opposed to Tess and is threatening to put me on Animal Hoarding), and my parents. A great, well rounded, brutally honest focus group. Okay the brutally honest part just pertains to Faughn, no offense though, Faughn got me through some possibly detrimental prom dress decisions...I think the phrase was "take it off, you look like a waif." But hey, what are BFFs for?

I wear mittens to bed

Not really. Well kinda. See years ago I had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery. Ever since, to prevent reoccurence, I have to wear these braces at night. Apparently I am curling when I sleep. Not the olympic event curler, but a night sleeper curler. I like to bend my wrists and curl my hands inside. Anyone who evers knows me knows that I am a strange sleeper. I can sleep through anything, a fire truck parked in front of my house, three alarm clocks, my brother yelling steam roller and rolling the sleeping bag over my face....wait, no I remember that. But I do wake up in the morning with my braces off and thrown across the room. They have become significantly easier to take off since someone was a puppy and ate the velcro off....and if you have ever bought the night braces, you know they ain't cheap. The other night though, when it was freezing cold, I admit it was nice to have them, it was kinda like nite-time mittens. See I am also one of those people who sleeps in short and a t-shirt regardless of the weather, I have a fan going year round, and cannot wear socks unless it is with shoes much less to bed. Maybe I will market night mittens and be as rich as the person who invented the snuggie.
Yes, I know this is a very random post, but I am enjoying my sunday off doing absolutely nothing but maybe a load of laundry and cleaning the litter boxes. This weekend has been jam packed with a variety of activities and I am thoroughly enjoying catching up on my DVrd shows and blogging aimlessly. Congrats to my friend Gina from Tech school and her new baby boy!

Valentines Day

Yep, I hate it. Like most single people, it is just a brutal reminder that we aren't getting candy, flowers, or any other love infused gift. I have fond memories of past valentines days. Such as, in high school getting v-day off due to a very generous speech teacher who taught us college speech at nights. We begged him the week before since everyone in the class had significant others and he told us he couldn't cancel. We showed up the next week to a sign on the door saying "Happy Valentines Day Class Cancelled" It was great because at the time I did have a boyfriend. I think that is my last recollection of a good Valentines day celebrated with a significant other. If I did have one with you and you are reading this, sorry...must not have been that great. I mean seriously, I dated a guy who's Grandparents owned a flower shop and never got flowers. Not cool (the guy and the lack of flowers.) Nowadays flowers don't last long in my house. The cats see flowers as a very pretty salad bar and help themselves to the main course. I guess that is another brutal reminder that love is fleeting. Score? V-day 8 Amy 0. How am I scoring this? Anyway I damn well want to.
However, in my family there is a tradition of my dad always drawing me a picture as my valentines day card, and I still look forward to that. I have stacks of the pictures and I love every one of them. And this is not a guilt trip for dad to get his butt in gear and draw me my damn picture, it is a token of my appreciation that I love the thoughtfulness and the personalization of each year that represents something that is important to me at that time...like last year it was Phoebe in her bee costume with hearts on the antenni (antennaes?). Though I must say I might be a little frightened how dad is going to incorporate a heart into Tom's picture this year. I guess we will have to wait and see....
I guess that makes the score V-day 8 Amy 1.

Why I love my job

Back in December we did a C-section on a French Bulldog. There were only two big boys, this was one of the newborns. Well they came in this week for their first round of shots.....Super duper cuties in their little tiny fleece hoodies. On an unrelated note....I accomplished absolutely nothing this weekend. FAIL.

You can't spring clean with snow on the ground

RIP RATTIE

Today was my day off. Typically on my days off I tend to be productive. I grocery shop, clean the house, nap, and run any other errands I deem necessary. Well since we are in the midst of a snowpocalypse, I proclaimed for today to be my snow day. What does that mean? That I accomplish absolutely nothing besides napping, twice, and watching all my past DVRd shows. Around 6pm I figured that I maybe should shower, vaccuum, or clean something. So I finally decide to breakdown the rat cage. I have been procrastinating because I was gone all weekend and I needed to distract the dogs to do so. Phoebe and the rattie had become good friends and I didn't have the heart to do it yet. They greeted each other every morning and evening. Since the rat was getting older, Phoebe didn't always see her so i think she was just thinking the rat was sleeping these last couple of days. I finally did it and Phoebe looked confused (or it is my imagination). So now I plan to bribe some of my wonderful strong friends to haul the futon upstairs so I have yet another spare bed upstairs and I have more room for my sewing and work out equipment. Then I can make cool nightmareish pillows for my futon which will be housed in my nightmare room. We will see....

As I was in the midst of my cleaning/vaccuuming frenzy I realized that I really needed to do some serious cleaning. The cleaning that involves taking down the curtains and washing them and such. But that is considered spring cleaning right? Then I look outside and see the mass amounts of winter precipitation on the ground and think.....I can't spring clean yet.

The Invincible SUV

At least that is what most SUV owners think. There is only one SUV that I can think of that is invincible and that is Tom's Jeep, because it is trail rated of course.

I use to have an Escort. That car taught me how to drive on snow, slow and easy wins the race. That car was pretty classic with the snow. I even remember driving back to college from Bloomfield where snow is piled up higher than the Escort and feeling rather safe in it. In one of my apartments, I would watch cocky SUV-ers get stuck going up a mild grade of a hill that my Escort handled like a champ. After I acquired my Tracker and the Escort ended up in my parents possesion again, it was still driven on bad snow days.

The Tracker. It had 4-wheel drive. I still drove with some sense in my head but it gave me a little more confidence....especially with Lafayette weather. It had to be put manually in 4-wheel drive and I used it with caution. One day, ice covered the bridges, I didn't put it in 4-wheel drive and ended up with this:Broken window? From my head.
This:
And this:
And a totalled car. It might not look totalled but it's frame was bent. It had to be towed on a flat-bed.

Nothing is worse than car shopping in December on a deadline. Every vehicle I drove made me feel uneasy and unsafe as I did when I rolled the Tracker. I don't know if 4-wheel drive would have ever made the difference in preventing the wreck, cops and others tell me "No." But it still is always going to be a nagging fear in the back of my brain when ice and snow hits. I still hold my breath over overpasses and bridges ( I really do which is NOT safe). I still practice caution, but I find myself no longer having the "I have an SUV so I can do anything." It is more like " I have an SUV, 4-wheel drive does zero good on ice and other people scare the heck out of me." Maybe it is because I am older and wiser, maybe it is because I am a chicken (a chicken with back problems courtesy of said wreck), but either way, you will not find me out galavanting around in this craptastic weather unless it is essential. I look out at this snow and the people who are still out in it and I think "Why?" What reason do you have (unless it is work or an emergency) do you have for going out? People are idiots and it is those idiots in SUVs driving for no reason that scare the heck out of me. Now that I am done with the soapbox, you can have it back Chocolate Bear.