Stomach Funk

For those of you who don't know me, I have always had stomach problems. It has gotten so bad, that I am actually on FMLA for it. Well this week has been no exception but my usual remedy (gatorade and cheez-its) has not cured it. The only upside to this stomach funkiness has been the fact that I got to watch House all day, in between bathroom breaks of course. So I guess I bid you all farewell and hope to wake to a better morning. Oh and Faughn, you were right, I LOVE House.

Bad Idea lady.

Things have been pretty hectic around here lately, but the thing that pisses me off the most is the people that live behind me. They have kids, I am not sure how many, but they let their kids come right up to the fence and try to pet the dogs. Well Phoebe (aka dipshit, to be explained later) hates these kids, so I am always blatantly aware of when they are harassing the dogs. Tonight I heard Phoebe's "Oh my Gosh these teacup humans are going to beat me senseless" bark I knew they were out there. What do I find?? Eight kids lined up at the fence along with THEIR MOTHER encouraging them to try and pet the dogs. Now, mind you, there is an extra dog in the mix, one that is also barking. What part of "dogs barking and running" makes you think it is a good idea to try and pet them when the owner is not out there??? I watched all this go one from the window before I called the dogs in. I should have went out there but I am afraid that my conversation would have started "listen bitch, WTF?" I love kids, therefore I didn't. It's not the kids fault that their parents are idiots. All I know is if I had done that as a child, my parents would have kicked my ass.

The explanation about Phoebe aka dipshit. Phoebe chases insects, any type, stinging, biting, poisionous, carnivorous, supernatural...you get the point. The damn dog is fearless. My vaccuum cleaner now makes a rattly sound because she had a hold of the front guard and wouldn't let go. So she comes inside Sunday morning looking rather pink and kinda itchy, I chalk it up to a sunburn and give her some benadryl. I look at her again and her eyes are getting puffy.Hmmm....I text Emily to see if I can take her to the clinic and give her injectable diphenhydramine since she is starting to look uncomfortable. She says sure and when I look over at Phoebe I can see her nose enlarge in front of my eyes. That is when I threw her in the car and got her to the clinic (didn't set the alarm off, yah for me) and gave her two shots. What did the vet tell me?? Take a picture of Phoebe that way I can remind Phoebe of how much of an idiot she is. I think it is a good idea, but just in case that doesn't work, I got spare drugs now. Why is she a dipshit?? Because sunday afternoon she was still chasing bees.

Well enjoy the pictures of Tess. She is starting to fit in. Dudley is teaching her the ropes and even letting her sleep in my room at night. Dudley has only let one other adult dog in the room and that was Leah's dog Maddie. Dudley has the hugest crush on Maddie. Maddie is kind of a scaredy cat and Dudley is a bully with his toys but he even let Maddie take a toy away from him one time. He loves her. I hope Maddie's feelings aren't hurt. Maybe this is just a brotherly/sisterly love with Tess. Here is a picture of Tess helping Dudley keep an eye on the neighborhood.

Well I must go, maybe the kids are finally inside and the dogs can putter aroud the yard in peace. Have a good one!

If you put a pig in a gold house, it's still a pig

I got that from watching Deadliest Catch. Gotta love Andy Hillstrand.
Latest update, I am still employed.....woohoo.
I have a dog. Okay I actually have three dogs. I also have a skinned elbone and swollen ankle because my dumbass tripped and fell this morning. There was no reason to my fall and it wasn't pretty. It was an arms and legs flying everywhere ungraceful fall. Not a good way to start my morning. Then I ran errands all over freakin Lafayette, came home and took a nap, and then had puppy spa day. All dogs are now freshly groomed and asleep, at least they were. New dog's name is Tess, I had to change it from Missy. Tess Marie. (in honor of Cornelia Marie). The sweetest thing is watching her sleep on the dog bed and wag her tail when she is sound asleep. The not-so-sweetest thing is her obsession with plastic. She came out of my room carrying my remote control. She is the first dog I have EVER owned that actually likes Nylabones. Whew. Well thought I would update. Now I might just veg back out on the couch and wait for the storm to pass before I clean the bathroom. Peace.

*SIGH*

Yep, that is a disappointed sigh.
Just a quick re-cap, I will post more later. I found a mini Dudley at work and fell in love with her, I think it is the big brown eyes. Tried her out last night, Dudley loves her (as do I), and Phoebe wouldn't let her out of the kitchen. Yep. And Lola hid on the basement steps with her heading sticking out of the hole where the cat door use to be. (the fat asses keep knocking it out). I really, really, like her but I guess if she is this sweet, someone else will take her. I tried her again tonight, pretty much the same thing, except Phoebe is getting more bratty in general. I think if I ever do get another dog, it will have to be a puppy. Boo.
Meeting tomorrow, positive thoughts my way.
Boo.

What a horrible pregnant person!!

No. Not me. And before you even think about what this title means, I will explain. We had a procedure at work today that required the cuff in the endotracheal tube to be deflated, which exposed everyone to Iso. So instead of having a horrible headache at the end of the day and feeling like crap, I decided to wear the respirator which normally only pregnant people wear. Or should wear. Or need to wear to keep their job. Or, well never mind. Anyways so I am wearing this darth vader mask thinking "wow, everyone walking up and down that hallway is going to think I am preggers. Not only am I wearing this but I am pregnant with a food baby (aka fat.)"
Then I realized that I was also sitting as close to the C-arm without actually stradling it as someone can get. In case you didn't know, the C-arm is basically a live X-ray. Meaning large amounts of radiation, which would NOT be good for my imaginary fetus. So now all these people that are walking down the hallway are thinking, "awww, someone let that dumbass get pregnant. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance, especially since it will come out with an extra limb from all those rays." So for clarification. No I am not pregnant, and Yes I am a dumbass but not in this instance.
We come up on the monday of the dreaded week. My meeting is on friday. Now I have been getting advice from various sources on how to handle myself in this meeting without using the terms asshats or slower than smoke off shit. I think I am prepared but it really is a crapshoot. There is probably a good 60% chance I will go in there and drool without saying anything in my defense.
This weekend sucked ass!! It sucked ass for the following reasons:
1.) the spinny head thing, a virus. who knew?? felt like ass all weekend.
2.) Started watching House. Love it! But my plans to watch all of season one on saturday night were foiled by the power going out.
3.) No power = no AC =no Fans = miserable sick person
4.)No power = no lights = flashlights. OMG DUDLEY!! He was driving me bat-shit crazy. 3am. The flashlight hadn't been on for say 2hours and yet he panted and stared at it then at me, at it, at me, pant pant pant, at it, at me, pant pant pant, at it, at me, pant pant pant. You get the point.
5.)No groceries, due to going bad and desperately needing to go shopping.
6.) Dogs driving me insane due to heat, but they still needed to go outside every 5 minutes in case it cooled off. It didn't.
7.) Enter a very early monday.
Now as you can see, the spinny head thing (or the gas leak) have caused me to be pretty abrupt in my topic changes. Therefore I am going to leave you now. Good-bye.

You spin me right round baby....

That about sums up the last two days. I woke up yesterday morning unable to walk in a straightline so as I stumbled down the hallway holding on to the wall, I stepped in a nice big pile of puke (thanks Craplin, I will no longer force you to take metacam). I made it to let the dogs outside, then I sat down and panicked. I knew if I drove to work I would definitely get pulled over and get a DUI since I would totally fail the sobriety test. I found a ride, thanks Jen, and took my not-so-happy ass to work, or rather she took it. At which point I got bitched at for not staying late (hello, head spinning), bitched at for not exposing them to anesthesia, and bitched at for what ever else, after a certain point, I just quit listening. I am talking about when you finally lay down after a night of drinking and you feel the need to put your foot on the floor to keep the room from spinning, that is how I felt ALL DAY. Then came the tunnel vision, followed by the numbness in my appendages. Needless to say, I did not give a F#%$ by the end of the day. I even gave up finding a way to do PM treatments and pulled out the big guns, I called the boss. He actually recognized my pain and offered to do them for me. When I woke up this morning, feeling even worse with more spinning and nausea, I gave up and figured there were twice as many capable people at work today than there was yesterday so they should be fine. I made my calls and slept....all....day. Finally waking up at 4pm, I feel hungover but not spinny. Now i feel I must try and put my house back together since mom sleeping all day equals general destruction thoughout the house. Which comes to reason 926 why I love my house: CVS is only 2 blocks away. When you feel like shit, it takes longer to put on a bra to go out in public than it actually takes to make it to CVS. General awesomeness.

Work math problem....

Okay.
You have 1 person doing anesthesia, 2 people to help her, 2 people not to help her, 8 hours in a day, and a shit-ton of things to do. What do you do??
The answer is NOT: wait until the last minute, have 2 people (perhaps the slowest people I ever met) do errands one could have easily done alone and get mad when I need to actually leave somewhat on time.
Justification? Because 1.) You said you were staying late, I need to get to some places before 5pm, like all the places I tried to get to last week when I was staying late. 2.) I cannot babysit you all day and make sure shit gets done. I make lists to check off, what more do you want??
3.)Accepting help, even if it might be from people you don't really care for, is inevitable, so go get your shit done...if you are gone when they are helping, then what do you care anyways? I am the one who asked for them. 4.)"Multi-tasking" look it up, right after you look up "slower than smoke off shit" one has your picture next to it and one doesn't. Guess which one.
Okay so I must admit that is kinda mean but if you have been in my situation for the last 2 workdays, you would totally understand. Oh and those last two workdays I mean are Friday and Monday (today). I know you could be confused since it said in my last blog that I worked saturday and sunday too......okay I will stop now. It hurts my head to continue to rant or it might be the high pitched yipping coming from the dogs wrestling on the hardwood floor. Of course they won't go outside because someone was setting off fireworks like 10 hours ago and they might still be out there....dammit phoebe! She attacks the lawn-mower but she fears fireworks. Gaw, I hope this day ends soon and I wake up to a decent one tomorrow.

True Blood re-cap...no spoilers.

AWESOME!! For the following reasons:
Eric
no creepy sex scene
Eric
Jason used the term f-tard
Eric
My two favorite boys in a CORVETTE
Did I mention Eric?
Night and hope you all have a wonderful week!

Sunday, already?? Damn.

Well it has been a whirlwind weekend, but I must say I enjoyed most of it...though my digestive system is totally hating me at the moment.
Last time I was on here, I believe it was directed to most of the asshats that I work with (thank you Jen Lancaster!). Still the same sentiment towards them but after an evening of sophisticated drinking (snort) and a good weekend with friends, I am a bit perkier though slightly dehydrated.
Friday was the fabulous MedInst dinner. I begged new Mike (NM) to go with me, okay, politely asked, and old Mike (OM) was going too. SO I shower, find Phoebe eating the selected shoes, find new shoes, ask neighbors if they can see through my dress and head to Harrys. We decided that the pain of dressing up would be suitably medicated by attending Harrys prior to cocktails at the dinner. It did. 1 captain and coke down. Get to dinner, meet or re-meet tons of people, 2 captain and cokes down. I say re-meet because I am not sure how many of them actually recognized me when I am not standing in the corner, in scrubs, hovering over an anesthesia machine. Eat dinner, split deserts though I got the majority of the crappy one, see some un-necessary PDA, long speeches, recognized and humiliated (only inwardly though since no one knows the entire situation), glass of wine down. Free chair, woohoo! Head to Harrys. 3rd captain and coke down plus Harry's hummer. Ask NM if he wants a hummer when ordering the shots...he he he. Woops! Leave Harrys, go to Jakes, realize that I am over-dressed and by over-dressed I was wearing TOO MUCH CLOTHING in my sun dress. Yikes. Grab a hot dog and leave. That was my friday night.
Saturday I had to work at the clinic and blessedly did not have to go into Purdue. WOOHOO!! I took a nap and went to Emily's, hung out and had awesome food and played my first game of cornholio. Lime Captain and coke, delicious! Great night with some old and new friends. I definitely got my mind eased realizing that I am not the only one that seems to be in the middle of a personal shit storm.
This morning I unfortunately had to work again (and again this afternoon) but got to hang out with Leah and Kevin and the bestest kids all day after Mexican for lunch (stomach officially hating me now).
My house is still dirty, my laundry is clean but not put away, and my lawn is mowed (most by Kevin, finished by me). Now I SHOULD be cleaning the kitchen or finding food (soooo not hungry), or finish addressing these packages to mail tomorrow but decided I would babble on here instead. I know i have a tiring week ahead of me full of late surgery days and early mornings and I really have no peace in waiting for the weekend because I know I work saturday and will probably end up working sunday. But maybe I can start the week smiling, or slightly disturbed depending on how True Blood is tonight.

Just suck it...and so does your face.

Yep, I am a juvenile.
I just want everyone to SUCK IT! I would actually use more colorful words on here like ones Jen Lancaster has introduced me to, but in case my parents actually do run across this blog, I decided not to.
So here is my rant:
Dear everyone at work,
I work TWO JOBS. My other job is on the weekend. I have been more than willing to do what I can on the days I have off but you are now telling me to go work another 3+ hours after a 6hr day at the clinic??? Suck it. I will do it but suck it anyways.
One person has a more than legit reason, death in the family. My condolences of course. I am not a heartless bitch. But my sympathy is running a little thin when "little miss I am not going to do that and then i am going to give you a shitty look when you make me do other stuff" doesn't start stepping up to the plate. I am TIRED. I go in early and I stay late. I do the evening meds, I multi-task like a mofo (see previous post regarding my gurney/office). So if one more person gives me a dirty look for asking for help or tells me that i need to quit my other job (not going to happen, I love the clinic) then I am going to tell them that maybe they need to quit farming and to SUCK IT....and so does your face.

Maybe I should get out more.

I love tv, there is no question. I found myself today realizing that a lot of my favorite retorts, comebacks, or questions are often quoted from a movie or TV show. It is so bad that my dad swears that my brother and I speak in our own language, which is kinda true. SO below are some of my favorite quotes, feel free to let me know if you recognize them (it might make me feel better.)
That's what she said (the best and most used at work)
Why does an old hen need a banjo?
Why do I need a saw if I don't have anything to cut?
Busting chops today.
Well life handed me a big pile of shit, what am I supposed to do with that?
Did you try staples?
It tastes like burning.
I saw that!
I'm not mad, that's amazing.
It's cold enough outside to freeze your winnebago.
Heat-wave! This is my island in the sun.
We have a jumper.
You were cleaning yourself ten minutes ago, now it is just a vacation.
I'm a kid, that's my job.
It's like a wood-pecker with headache, he be peckin lightly.. (song quote).
And I am sure there are many more that escape me right now. But the reason I started this was because I found myself sitting in an animal room this afternoon on a rubbermaid cart, with a laptop open on the bottom portion of a gurney, the animal I was doing anesthesia on ontop of the gurney, and my calendar laid out next to the laptop. On top of my calendar was a plethura of post-its (do you even know what a plethura is??) and I think to myself "look at all the guys who broke up with you and you are just fine." Which is from SATC when she gets dumped on a post-it. That is when I realized that either I need a hobby or at least a little more human interaction throughout the day.
But tonight I will continue to watch SYTYCD because 1.) Mary Murphy is not judging so I don't have to mute it and 2.) watching Jose and Kent dance just makes me so damn happy.
On a side note it is hot. HOT. Yet I find myself going to the tanning bed, why? Because I have this dinner to go to friday night and I figured if I am not going to be thin, I might as well be tan.

That's a risk you take with that particular type of fruit....

So my title has nothing to do with my post really. I could go through the thought process that led me to that quote from my favorite episode of scrubs...it went a little something like this:
Driving home--> Dudley with doggles-->he keeps tearing these damn things up---> I wonder if I could make him some---> it would be like grape fruit goggles--> He he he, I love that episode of Scrubs--->must use quote in some form sometime today--->damn, who would even get it? --->I wonder if Mandy really reads this cause if she does then she would--->now me writing this.
I went to Bloomfield for the 4th of July. Here is a list of the pros and cons of doing so.
Pro: My dogs get TIRED.
Con: My dogs get SPOILED. Sure dad, go ahead and feed Phoebe from the table, just encourage her to STAND ON IT.
Pro: I do not have to worry about the crash that I heard in the living room, the cats aren't here.
Con: My parents house is still not "phoebe" proof. The crash was a result of my dog.
Pro: Always get home cooked food, especially grilled turkey breast! And DQ ice cream.
Con: DQ always makes me sick, why don't I remember that???
Pro: Mom spoils me by taking me shopping.
Con: Every venture out of the house increases my risk of running into an ex (or a relative of an ex) thus increasing my risk of ending up in jail for hurting someone.
Pro: Mom takes the dogs out for me in the morning so I really and truly get to sleep in.
Con: Phoebe still projectiles herself onto my most vital organs because she forgot I was there and was super duper excited to find me in bed.
Pro: I can spend all day reading and napping and don't feel guilty about the filth that is my house.
Con: I still come home to the filth that is my house, the destruction of lonely cats, and then I can't fall asleep because I did nothing all weekend and Craplin is trying to lay on my face.

So if you were in Bloomfield this weekend and saw my car, I am sorry. I would have loved to meet you at the fireworks or maybe had a drink at Aggies, but since my most loathed EX apparently fell off the wagon, (I would assume since he was in the paper for driving to the jail drunk to check on his girlfriend who got a DUI) the chances are great that he would be there. See above regarding violence.

All in all though, this 4th was better than last year because 1.) there was zero explosive diarrhea on my car's leather seats and 2.) I successfully avoided all contact with those I did not wish to see. (Amber, that does not include you, see above regarding DQ ice cream.)

Now I am going to try to finish reading "Such a Pretty Fat." At least I think that was the title before Phoebe ate it and the 1st couple of chapters. Yes, Dad, I know you were gone only 15minutes and yes, Dad, when it is quiet, there is trouble brewing....
This is why I have yet to start going to the local library.
Happy 4th!

Keep your mouth shut!

This is going to be my biggest challenge tomorrow. I posted on facebook that the term "necessary" does not equal possible. It is very true. We are getting pushed towards things considered necessary which aren't possible....particularly because not all involved know the complete story. Another struggle of mine. So I am just going to get through the day tomorrow keeping my mouth shut. Smile and nod. Yep, I am going to roll over and play dead. This should be fun.


Now to be completely juvenile, I dated someone over 2 years ago. We parted ways, not so nicely, because he said and I quote "you are just waiting for an excuse to kill that dog" in reference to my beloved Sammy. I was not wanting an excuse to kill him, I was trying to keep him from suffering. So my reply was none to nice. The thought that anyone would ever doubt my care towards my animals was enough for me to put you on "that" list. So now, he is friending everyone on facebook but me. Shouldn't bother me but it does. It is just one of those weeks where everything gets under your skin and you feel like no one is on your side. So in my defense, check out the following pics. WARNING!!!!!! Some of them are during his final days. My decision was soooo hard that I even asked my BFF to come up to help me make the right decision.





























This photo was taken after a midnight run to the clinic to see Dr. Emily (Sam's favorite vet) and a shot of Lasix. Apparently he had to pee on the way home....on Amber.

Now if you are going to doubt my decision, here is a picture of the morning I made "the" decision.

And if I had any doubt, his sister was telling me it was time as well...












So anyway, that day, I said good-bye to my little man. He was wearing his favorite shirt, a Purdue Hoody. I am a little weepy as I write this. I know I made the right decision, so don't EVER doubt me. I am a big lobbier for quality of life. I always say I want to open a "quality of life shelter" instead of a no-kill shelter. But that is a different blog for a different day.

Here is my favorite pic of him.

In Loving Memory of Samson Edward.....

I guess my mind is off of work.