So I read my devotional last night and I was overcome with the
message of the passage:
Again it seemed to be pertaining exactly to my situation right now. I
have prayed for weeks to not be sick anymore or to find the answer of my illness. I have prayed for a future that makes me happy. And now do I have the answer? It would seem like I do. I have been telling everyone asks me the token "so how are you doing?" the same reply that I feel that it is a blessing in disguise. And 90% of the time I believe it. But it is that 10% that is when everyone leaves, and I am still awake, that the brain starts running overtime. I go through every step, action, reaction, and interactions in my head. I second guess everything that could have been done. I wonder if I should still fight it, because if I do, will the voices in my head go away? It even got so bad last night that I ended up having a nightmare. I rarely have nightmares. I usually have the dreams that you wake up and think "hmmm, that was odd." One time I dreamed numerous times that in the basement of my old place it was overrun with rats. But not regular wood rats but the fancy rats. I even kept trying to catch this certain rat that I wanted to keep as a pet....this certain rat was wearing a NASCAR t-shirt. Now why did I dream of rats? Why was one wearing a NASCAR shirt? I don't even like NASCAR. But those dreamed never disturbed me like the one I had last night. They just confused me. The one I had last night made me wake up SAD. Overwhelmingly sad because of all the so-called friends that stabbed me in the back. I am not sure if the dream could be classified as a nightmare since no one was dying horribly at the hands of an ax murderer, but to me it was just as bad. So I guess the way to get through this is to continue to surround myself with people that support me and love me. I think also part of my melancholy is a result of my birthday on sunday. Who really wants to celebrate their birthday less than a week after being fired? I guess I can always looks at it as the fact that, yet again, my birthdays always suck, so why should this even surprise me? Oh well, my BFF is coming in tomorrow, she always has a way of smacking me into shape...plus we have plans to meet the Byrds for Bruno dough. Yum. Hopefully I can get some restful sleep tonight.
message of the passage:
"I know the plans I have for you, "declares
the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11
Again it seemed to be pertaining exactly to my situation right now. I
have prayed for weeks to not be sick anymore or to find the answer of my illness. I have prayed for a future that makes me happy. And now do I have the answer? It would seem like I do. I have been telling everyone asks me the token "so how are you doing?" the same reply that I feel that it is a blessing in disguise. And 90% of the time I believe it. But it is that 10% that is when everyone leaves, and I am still awake, that the brain starts running overtime. I go through every step, action, reaction, and interactions in my head. I second guess everything that could have been done. I wonder if I should still fight it, because if I do, will the voices in my head go away? It even got so bad last night that I ended up having a nightmare. I rarely have nightmares. I usually have the dreams that you wake up and think "hmmm, that was odd." One time I dreamed numerous times that in the basement of my old place it was overrun with rats. But not regular wood rats but the fancy rats. I even kept trying to catch this certain rat that I wanted to keep as a pet....this certain rat was wearing a NASCAR t-shirt. Now why did I dream of rats? Why was one wearing a NASCAR shirt? I don't even like NASCAR. But those dreamed never disturbed me like the one I had last night. They just confused me. The one I had last night made me wake up SAD. Overwhelmingly sad because of all the so-called friends that stabbed me in the back. I am not sure if the dream could be classified as a nightmare since no one was dying horribly at the hands of an ax murderer, but to me it was just as bad. So I guess the way to get through this is to continue to surround myself with people that support me and love me. I think also part of my melancholy is a result of my birthday on sunday. Who really wants to celebrate their birthday less than a week after being fired? I guess I can always looks at it as the fact that, yet again, my birthdays always suck, so why should this even surprise me? Oh well, my BFF is coming in tomorrow, she always has a way of smacking me into shape...plus we have plans to meet the Byrds for Bruno dough. Yum. Hopefully I can get some restful sleep tonight.
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