We are going to terminate you.

Or something along those lines was said to me today. Now if you have been reading my blog, you know that i have had some pretty severe stomach issues. All of which I have doctor documentation for. Anyhoo....this is my day.
Go to work. Do radiographs on pigs. Recover pigs. Go to Potter to do dishes (aka clean cages). Get phone call from boss saying that I have a meeting at 3pm. He says and I quote "I didn't know about it so I am not sure what it is about but they have been trying to contact you via email. I knew you guys had a lot of dishes to do today so I figured you were over here." Go to my car and drive over to the building where said meeting is. Go to meeting. Get fired. Get escorted to my office where it gets cleaned out, hand over my keys and my parking pass.....now to add insult to injury, I have to drive over to the OTHER building that we work out of and clean out there as well. Thankfully I have a wing-woman who cleared the area for me. Thank you Jen! Clean out there. Now from 3pm to this point it is all I blur. Phases of crying and pisstivity. One, I can't believe they did this to me. Seven years. I had one bad year (which could be in part because of what I am exposed to). But otherwise I was their doormat for seven. freakin. years. I stayed late, I worked weekends. I was on call. I rearranged my other job when needed. Yet here I am, aimlessly blogging and trying not to cry. Some people are happy for me, they said the job was killing me, or my spirit. Some people I know I have disappointed (myself included). Some people are probably happy I am gone, though I don't know how they are going to survive. Some people see this as a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Me? Well I see all of the above. Yes, I was miserable, but I loved the animals and I loved the difference I made. I am going to miss some of the people. I am going to miss the security of a job that I knew I had put my time into (7 years!!!!). Sure, there are possibilities out there. But what? I have a ginormous fear of the unknown, which is why I never moved on when I felt myself becoming increasinly unhappy....or decreasingly happy. Yep, this is why I hated shopping for a new car, moving, dating, heck even deciding what I want for my birthday. (Did I mention that my birthday is Sunday? Happy Freakin Birthday, you're unemployed.) But now I have to decide what to do next. At this point I just want to curl into a ball and never get up. Which is strange because today is the first day that I DIDN'T feel too bad health wise, that I got up and wasn't too painful, that I ate lunch and felt OK afterward. Is this a sign? Did my body know that relief is coming? Did my intestines know that divine intervention was going to rear it's head and challenge me? (Yes I know I am rambling.) But if you have been "let go" you know how i feel. And unfortunately I know of two people that have had this unpleasant experience. I do have some security. I have a couple weeks pay. I can work at the clinic (though it terrifies me, I have been out of the loop for soooooooooo long.) Anesthesia in research, (especially using live x-ray) you rely purely on monitoring. Anesthesia in clinic setting, you rely on your senses. My experiences recently in anesthesia have jumped from mice to sheep. No dogs or cats in between. Am I up to the challenge? Maybe. Am I afraid that my inexperience is going to strain some good friendships? Definitely. So my dilemma is this: fight or flight. Tonight it is flight....tomorrow I shall fight.
P.S. Did anyone ever think the saying "when a door is shut, someone opens a window" is that window to jump out of?